Life in the City

My new identity

2009-11-15T16:19:00.000-08:00

This city girl has grown up and moved on....

http://housewifesf.blogspot.com/

See you there!

I am back

2008-11-16T19:11:00.000-08:00

I am in need of an outlet for venting....stay tuned. Much more to come.

New home

2007-04-06T01:19:00.000-07:00

Check me out at http://sfcitygal.vox.com/. Trying out a new hood to see how it is....

Doing nothing, part one

2007-03-27T20:41:00.001-07:00

When I initially decided to take my 5 week hiatus from the workforce, I was a little concerned that I would grow stir crazy from boredom. After completing my first week of doing absolutely nothing, I have concluded that I could do this for a year and not even feel an ounce of restlessness from not working. My hubby hasn’t taken this latest revelation too well, and has threatened to quit his job and do nothing with me if I decide to extend my hiatus past the 5 week period.

Today I drove to the South Bay to have lunch with my two former Korean co-workers, John and YeoSae. Back in the old days, John, YeoSae, myself, and our other former co-worker Aileen, would sit around in our cubes and throw crass jokes at each other. Boy, those were the days. 9 years later, we’re all a little older, a little wiser, with more life experiences under our belts. John, who had gotten married 3 years ago to a girl he met in Korea, is already divorced after 2 years of marriage. Apparently, his ex-wife, who barely spoke a word of English and had no social or familial network in the US, grew increasingly paranoid and possessive, frequently hunting John down at work in the middle of the day for no reason whatsoever aside from a hunch that he was up to no good. YeoSae, a lawyer and fairly attractive, broke up with his equally successful and attractive girlfriend of 8 years about 2 years ago and spent his first year of singlehoodom on a dating marathon involving a number of Korean women, who were looking for a US citizen to date and eventual wed (all for the sake of citizenship). After a year of being a manwhore, YeoSae finally found his true love at work (a full-fledged American citizen) and married her after 6 months of blissful dating.

Boy do I miss working with these boys. There was never a dull workday when you had a colorful cast of characters by your side for 8 hours a day.

After our 3 hour lunch, I took a quick jaunt to the Great Mall on a quest to find a flattering pair of designer jeans on the cheap. After foraging around unsuccessfully for a hour at Neiman Marcus’s new retail outlet Last Call, I was about to leave the mall, but decided to give Sak’s a try. Imagine my elation when I found a pair of Joe’s in a cut that flattered my large butt and muscular thighs, for the bargain price of $68!!! Feeling that I accomplished the desired objective of my trip, I rewarded myself with a double macchiato from Starbucks, and lounged around on one of the velvet couches reading the latest edition of Us magazine.

It’s now 7:30pm and I am ready to kick back with a glass of wine and a good book. With such a stressful day, I need to unwind!

Flirting your way to the top

2007-03-26T20:39:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest problems I had with my former employer, that shall now be referred to as HL, was the dysfunctional relationships some of the employees had with the partners. In particular, there was one relationship that I found utterly troublesome.

Before I started at HL, I had heard that “Inga”” (the female manager, and the potential nemesis I mentioned in my previous post) and “Mr. Italiano” (the crazy partner that I also mentioned in the same post) were very close. I had no idea how close they were until I started working there.

The first sign that their relationship was beyond normal was the fact that she was constantly in his office, ALL THE TIME. There would be instances were Inga would be in Mr. I’s office for hours at a time. If Inga wasn’t in Mr. I’s office, Mr. I would be in Inga’s office. In a 10 hour workday, I believe that they spent 7 hours together, everyday!

On top of spending gratuitous amounts of time together “working”, it was obvious to most who worked at HL that they had a very friendly relationship. It was clear that her main tool for bonding with Mr. I was to exploit her sexuality. Around the administrative staff and our subordinates, Inga was a petty bitch. But around Mr. I, Inga suddenly shifted into sweet girl mode, eagerly projecting wide-eyed admiration and awe, hanging adorably onto every word spoken by Mr. I, laughing at all of Mr. I’s jokes, developing a fascination with Mr. I’s recreational interests.

*Puke, Puke, Puke*

Adding insult to injury, Inga isn’t very bright, and as a result, many suspect there are salacious facts behind how and why she was able to climb the corporate ladder and be in the position she is at today.

My disgust is only exacerbated by the fact that, like most professional services firms that function in a manner similar to an apprenticeship system, work is handed out on the basis of personal relationships, thus leaving her with most of the plum assignments. Unfortunately, her intellectual brainpower, or more precisely lack thereof, made her ill-equipped to manage these engagements in a competent manner, leaving a bad taste in the mouths of those who worked under her, which fed into the gossip mill about how she ended up in her position.

After months of carefully observing how things operated at HL, I concluded that I could a) be myself, which is to keep my demeanor office friendly and nonsexualized, hoping that people would develop respect for me because of my strong work product and intelligence or b) start wearing tight, low-cut tops (like the ones Inga donned) and dish out wide-eyed flattery and sexual warmth that the male partners of HL seem to appreciate.

At the end, I decided to be true to who I was. If this is how female managers excel to the top at HL, well, I refuse to be in an environment that functions this way.

2007-03-23T22:22:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know I disappeared for a while, but now I am back. The reason for my re-emergence? Because today is my last day. That’s right, I am finally free of that utterly dysfunctional, delusional, self-esteem eroding, work environment. My experience was so emotionally traumatic, I am taking 5 weeks off between job to recuperate from the battering my mind and soul has experienced over these past few months. Excessive you say? Not if you knew what I went through.

I am so exhausted from being mind-fucked for 5 months, I cannot even write a long post to describe the hell I have been through at this moment. But I can say that I those 5 months have provided me with plenty of blog material that I will be sharing over time….

Duking it out with the boss

2007-02-11T22:50:00.000-08:00

After 3 months of sitting in my windowless office, trying to figure out my place and purpose in my new job, I finally built up the nerve and asked Mr. Italiano to lunch to discuss my future. Last Wednesday, we had our lunch at Chaya. The hostess ushered us to a table right by the window, overlooking the San Francisco bay and Bay Bridge. Our view, while beautiful, was the only pleasant thing about lunch.

Me: So I heard you think I am hard to read.
Him: Yes, I think you play it close to the chest. (Stated in a very agitated manner).
Me: (sitting there uncomfortably)
Him: (vigorously buttering his bread) So, do you think you made a mistake by joining us?!? (even more agitated than earlier)
Me: (trying to think of a diplomatic answer) Well, I think that the management group here is head and shoulders above that of my previous employer.
Him: (taking a big bite out of the bread, looking half satisfied with my answer) Yeah, we do have a good management group here.
Me: (taking a big gulp) But, I do feel a bit out of place here. I could have joined another litigation consulting firm, like my most previous employer, or I could have joined another public accounting firm that has a high technology practice, which is what I did right out of college, and it would have been a more seamless transition.
Him: (putting his head down) Yes, yes, I know City Girl. But..I warned you this would happen!
Me: (staring at him incredulously)
Him: City Girl, you know what you need t do? You need to fight with the other managers to build your client base. City Girl, I look at you and I can tell that you are quiet and shy. You lack assertiveness and confidence.
Me: (absolutely ticked off at this point) Excuse me? I am not short of confidence and assertiveness.
Him: City Girl, I can tell. I am watching you, observing the way you bear yourself in the office…
Me: (cutting him off mid-sentence) You don’t know that. You don’t see me all the time. You don’t know me!
Him: (glaring at me indignantly)

Our lunch, 2.5 hours long, essentially continued in the same vein. We walked back to the office, in silence, so exhausted from our emotionally intense conversation.

I am looking for new job. Can you blame me?

Ushering in the new year

2007-01-07T23:57:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of posts. Now that I am required to put in 55+ hours at work from now to April, I highly doubt I will be prolific with my posts.

December was just a whirlwind of activity, ranging from various family events and gatherings held by groups of friends. The last week of December was particularly jam packed with events, filled with birthday parties for Hubby‘s aunt and grandmother, an outing to a Warrior‘s game with hubby’s immediate and extended family, and dinners with a number of friends who are back home in the Bay Area for the holidays.

Tired of trekking to a crowded and overpriced bar or club for an anticlimactic new year‘s eve celebration, hubby and I were originally going to enjoy a quiet night at home. Our friend Hoa was able to convince us that we were too young to be spending new year’s eve weekend at home, and thanks to her effective persuasion, we enjoyed an active New Year‘s Eve weekend. On Saturday, a group of us attended the Gnarls Barkley/Flaming Lips concert at the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium. As a live act, Gnarls Barley was decent but nothing spectacular. He didn’t have the stage presence and energy that really got me into a frenzied state. I thought the Flaming Lips had much better stage presence, even though, to be quite honest with you, I had no idea who they were until that evening.

Hubby, myself, and a group of my girlfriends attended a gala at the symphony on New Year’s Eve. The concert began with some waltzes by Johann Strauss. After the first intermission, the concert continued with performances by Broadway star Brian Stokes Mitchell. Afterwards, we enjoyed complimentary champagne, appetizers, and desserts. The climax of the evening was the balloon drop at midnight, with ballroom dancing afterwards.

While I am on the topic of my night out at the symphony, I couldn’t believe some of the rude and uncivilized behavior I observed that night. Even though most of our fellow attendees were much older, and presumably well-heeled individuals, I felt that some of them behaved in a manner that was so uncultured, it was beyond reproach. For instance, a lady’s cell phone accidentally went off once at the beginning of the performance. Right when the lights came on during the first intermission, the lady directly besides Cellphone Lady, who is by my best estimate approximately 55 years old, turns to Cellphone Lady and states “if you don’t know how to turn off your cell phone, I can do it for you by throwing it out.” The trend only continued after the concert ended. While trying to grab some hors d’oeuvres, an elderly man knocked me out of my place as he lunged towards the food table. The evening was topped off with a near brawl between my girlfriend and a late 40ish looking lady who called my friend an idiot for bumping into her, even though my friend was the one who was rammed into by this foolish women. Go figure!

Here’s a pic of me and some friends from that evening…since this blog is still quasi anonymous, figure out which one is me!

Happy Holidays

2006-12-26T15:53:00.000-08:00

I think my psycho boss, Mr Italiano, has a crush on me.

During our lunch meeting two weeks ago, Mr. Italiano and I had a real “bonding” moment. While doling out a sarcastic remark to me as I tried to eat my sea bass entrée, I decided to dish some of his attitude right back at him by giving him a dirty look. Apparently, he found my move gutsy and stated that he wanted “to work more with me.” WTF? Anyhow, not thinking very much of his utterance, I went back to work and totally disregarded the events that occurred that day.

Several days after our lunch meeting, I was working in my office with the bad “feng shui” setup when suddenly, I felt a pair of eyes staring at me. Turning around, I found Mr. Italiano walking slowly by my office, gazing at me intensely. Feeling a bit awkward, I whipped back around towards my desk and stared at my computer. I felt a little “dirty”, as if though his stare had sullied me in some way.

At our holiday party last Saturday, myself and husband found ourselves being assigned seats at the same table as Mr. Italiano and his wife, right NEXT to them. For most of the night, you can tell Mr Italiano took a great interest in checking out my husband.

Hopefully I am reading a little too much into Mr Italiano’s behavior. Sometimes, I cannot help but wonder if I have made a grand mistake by accepting a job offer with my current employer.

*****

Christmas day has always been a very hectic day for hubby and me, shuttling between his family’s holiday celebration and my family’s festivities. This Christmas was no different, and hubby and I went straight from his sister’s house in Belmont to my sister’s flat in the Richmond district. I think I have gained 5 pounds from our gluttonous holiday diet.
I was looking over our receipts this evening and realized that we spent $900 dollars on gift cards this year!
Happy Holidays everyone!!!

2006-12-17T23:16:00.000-08:00

After attending my Firm holiday party this Saturday, I thought this article in sfgate.com to be particularly fitting. No worries about infidelity in my marriage, because there is NO ONE I would want to do the horizontal polka with at my Firm.

Innuendo over the punch bowl, under the tree THE OFFICE PARTY: Attend your spouse's company shindig; infidelity experts warn of 'workplace affair on steroids'
C.W. Nevius
Sunday, December 17, 2006

You know the drill for your spouse's holiday office party. There will be stale snacks, tipsy co-workers and that guy with the dumb jokes who always corners you. Wouldn't it be better for everyone if you just stayed home and let your partner have some fun?

In a word -- no. That's the advice of relationship counselors.

"Tell all the spouses! Go to the party!'' says Diane Sollee, a marriage therapist who founded SmartMarriages.com.

"The Christmas party is the workplace affair on steroids,'' warns Peggy Vaughan, author of "The Monogamy Myth'' and a former corporate consultant who founded DearPeggy.com. "It is playing with dynamite is what it is.''

Really? Just the old office gang, getting together for a few adult beverages and a laugh? What could possibly go wrong?

Well, there's the obvious stuff. A Canon Copiers survey last year of its technicians in the United Kingdom found that 32 percent of service calls over the holidays were "to repair copier glass that had been sat on'' or "to fix paper jams that revealed evidence of embarrassing images.''

Ah yes, copier high jinks, a staple of holiday parties. But that's not where the unfortunate behavior ends. An independent survey of 1,000 office workers in the United Kingdom last year, cited by Canon, found that one-third of respondents have "kissed or gone home with a colleague.'' Now we're getting into problems that could last long after the holiday festivities are over.

University of California psychology Professor Dacher Keltner suggests you take a look at the numbers. His best estimate from the research he's seen indicates that "35 to 60 percent of couples will experience infidelity.'' A conservative estimate would be the University of Chicago's "American Sexual Behavior'' survey of married men and women, which found that 36 percent (22 percent of them men and 14 percent women) would have extramarital affairs.

And like everyone else who studies relationships, Keltner says the Christmas party is a setup for problems.

"You've got a collective gathering,'' he says, "there's the eggnog, you're wearing a Santa hat ...''

OK, but aren't we getting a little paranoid here? After all, it is just a once-a-year party? Not really, says Sollee. She likes to cite the late Shirley Glass, a Baltimore psychologist who was one of the nation's foremost experts on infidelity.

Glass noted the rise in the number of women in the workplace and the opportunity for interaction. She jokingly suggested that office buildings post a sign out front reading: "Danger, men and women working together here.''

That's why Sollee suggests that spouses show up at the office regularly, from the holiday party to the company picnic.

"It's just like war,'' she says. "It is harder to shoot people you know. It is like going in and marking your territory.''

And if you suspect your spouse is having an affair, you should definitely go to the Christmas party, says author Ruth Houston. She wrote "Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs.''

Seriously? 829 signs?

"Well, they are divided into 21 categories,'' Houston says.

Oh, good. Because otherwise it was starting to sound a little obsessive.
Houston is a holiday party militant. If you suspect your spouse, she says, you can't afford not to attend.

"If anything is going on, it will be evident,'' says Houston. "Someone may be overly friendly, excessively curious, or even hostile.''

Houston also shared her special office party "hot tip'' -- go to the restroom as often as possible. "Make a couple of trips,'' Houston says. "You never know what you might hear. Go into a stall and hang out. Somebody might say something they aren't supposed to say, like, 'Did you see her face when his wife walked in?' ''

So, have we completely taken the fun out of the holiday party? With 829 telltale signs to worry about, some spouses may be afraid to reach for a chicken wing for fear of setting off an alarm.

With that in mind, Cal's Keltner offers a contrarian view by referencing the work of psychologist Adam Phillips, who wrote "On Flirtation,'' a series of essays on why happily married people flirt.

Keltner says Phillips' premise is that, "Romantic bonds are just fundamentally ambiguous, so we are constantly flirting. The idea is that we are playfully, rather than seriously, doing something that is universal and that by acknowledging that, it may in fact be beneficial to flirt.''
So how would that apply to the holiday office bash?

"By that theory,'' he says, "the Christmas party is actually the glue that holds marriages together.''

So there's your talking point. All you have to do is convince your spouse. And I'd like to wish you the best of luck.

Therapy

2006-12-13T21:51:00.000-08:00

Monday was the first day of fieldwork for me with one of my clients. Now that the honeymoon phase of my job is over, I have am finally able to analyze my situation sans rose-colored glasses. The small nature of the clients, unglamorous, simple, unsophisticated. I realized that in my haste to find another job, I placed too much importance with working with “nice people”, and neglected to assess other aspects of the job, that I have discovered now, are just as important to me.

Obviously, I was not in the best frame of mind when I got home. When my husband came home 15 minutes later, he too, was in a rather down mood as well. He wanted me to provide him with attention and support that I just couldn’t give at that moment. I was too enraptured in my own misery, surfing the web and watching tv as a means of self-medicating.

Sometimes I feel as if though all I do is give, give, give. Hubby can drone on for hours about how miserable he is with his job and his life, and expects me to be a pseudo-therapist on demand. Sometimes I need therapy.

I am leaving a lot of details here, not just for the sake of brevity, but because my heart cannot bear to share just intimate facts over such a public forum.

He finally forgave me for my emotional absence last night. Sometimes I wonder how much more I can bare…

The Holiday Flurry

2006-12-07T21:33:00.000-08:00

It’s only the beginning of December, but the flurry of holiday festivities have already begun. It was kick-started this weekend with a whirlwind of events. Friday, my bridesmaid L came over for a belated b-day dinner. Saturday, my family came over for a belated Thanksgiving Day lunch. Saturday night Hubby and I drove to Walnut Creek for a old college friend’s holiday party at her townhouse. Sunday, Hubby and I hosted a long-standing white elephant gift exchange with my former co-workers from my very first job out of college.

Let the good times roll!!!

One month later...

2006-11-30T22:45:00.000-08:00

As I march on to Week 6 of my new job, here are some observations I have about my new work environment.

The Partners

I really like the partner group here at my firm. Unlike former partners that I have dealt with in the past who have been arrogant, pompous, and self-aggrandizing, these guys and gals are utterly down to earth and approachable.

As for the partner (Mr. Italiano) who abruptly rescinded my offer, only to give it back, the relationship has been a bit strange. I think during the course of this whole ordeal, we have learned a lot about each other’s character and temperament. We are both a little sarcastic, devious, and coy. So what does all this mean? It means that I have a relationship with Mr. Italiano that few understand, including myself. There are moments when I feel as if though he is may be overcompensating for the bizarre history by being severely stern and strict with me. And then I see moments where he makes gestures that show a special tenderness, I imagine his way of exhibiting his recognition of a special connection we have because of our unusual past.

The Managers (My Peers)

For the most part, also a great group of individuals. Everyone seems genuinely concerned about my well being and have been nothing but supportive.

There is one girl though, let’s call her “Miss Naïve”, who I think may pose a potential threat to my success at my new firm. She is also known as Mr. Italiano’s right-hand woman, and was present during the meeting where I essentially pleaded for my offer. Although she is approximately my age, she is slightly immature and competitive. We’re on friendly terms right now, but I can see her turning on me at any moment if she senses that I am a threat to her.

My Dilemma

The configuration of my office is highly undesirable. Essentially, my back, and thus monitor, faces the hallway, allowing full visibility to my internet surfing activities. I have been looking for creative solutions to fix my predicament. Advice anyone?

Giving Thanks

2006-11-26T22:37:00.000-08:00

Our nephew Stewie

Lucky for us, Hubby’s relatives were kind enough to give us a reprieve from cooking this Thanksgiving. Hubby’s mom went all out by providing the turkey, ham, stuffing (with gravy), scalloped potatoes, all courtesy of Bristol Farms. She also bought pastries from the legendary Beard Papa. While it was as good as everyone claims, I personally thought the pastries contained way too much cream. I guess I am not a huge sweets person.

Feast from Bristol Farms

Sweet treats from Beard Papa

Although we did not cook, hosting a dinner for 20 people proved to be draining; answering family members’ inquiries, fetching various items for people, helping to set up and clean up, kept us quite busy most of the night. I cannot even imagine how weary we would have been if we were expected to cook as well.

*************************************************************

Originally, I did not want to go into excruciating detail about the potential lawsuit fiasco surrounding the sale of our condo, but since I have received some interest regarding the situation, I’ll divulge a little more about what transpired. In short (or maybe as concise as I can be) condos complexes have the ability to levy something called a “special assessment”. This usually occurs when the complex finds itself in need of some major repair(s), such as the need for a new roof, a paint job, etc., that is work outside of normal, routine maintenance. If the homeowners association has been doing an adequate job in forecasting, budgeting, and preparing for such massive projects, there will be enough funds in the reserve account, and the condo owners will not have to shell out additional cash to foot the project. However, most associations do a horrendous job in preparing for such expenditures, and often find itself cash strapped in the face of a massive repair job. Finding itself in a bind, and needing to address the repairs sooner rather than later, the association will pass the immediate financial burden to the condo owners.

So back to our situation, right before our original escrow close date, the buyers asked for a one week extension due to a lag in obtaining financing. Unknown to us, one day after the original close date, the HOA sent a letter informing us of its intent to levy a special assessment. Because we moved, we didn’t receive the letter at our new place of residency until a couple of days before the new close date, and we didn’t open the letter until after the property officially changed hands.

Confused yet? Let’s just say, it was a case of HORRIBLE timing.

As a result of this whole timing fiasco, my hubby and I have spent the last 4 months embroiled in a battle with the buyers over who is responsible for the assessment. And alas, the resolution was unfavorable for us. And the assessment was not small by any means, since we could have bought a new car, like a Honda Civic, outright, with the amount of the assessment.

Needless to say, I will not be going on any huge shopping sprees in the next year.

Week in Review - Part 2

2006-11-18T23:40:00.000-08:00

Being a True City Dweller - Public Transportation

Tuesday

That morning, I was quite stoked to find a seat on the Muni. I was seated next to an African American boy (Punk 1) who appeared to be in his early teens. His friend (Punk 2) was seated behind us, and had his legs sprawled across one of the adjoining seats. At the Forest Hill Station, a man in his late 40’s tried to sit down on the empty seat next to Punk 2. Punk 2, refusing to remove his legs, started to yell “Yo brother, who the f*ck do you think you are?” The man, trying to be polite, asked Punk 2 to remove his legs so that he could sit, to which Punk 2 responded “This is a free country, I ain’t gots to do anything for you brother.” At this point, his friend sitting next to me, Punk 1, got into it as well. The two delinquents continued to spew their ghetto garbage to the poor middle aged gentleman for about 5 minutes, when a concerned gentleman called the driver to inform him of the situation. Upon hearing this call, Punk 1 walks up to the gentleman and states “Yo fool, do you know who I am. I can f*ck over your whole family man.” Other patrons started to speak their mind and were confronted by the same in-your-face treatment. At the Castro Street Station, the driver comes to our train and tells the boys that they need to take the next train. Punk 1 then proceeds to scream, “Woman, my stop is the next one. I need to go to school and get educated.” Punk 2 then walks up to the driver and bellows “You only picking on us because we black. If we white, Latino, or Asian, you would leave us alone.” The driver, who may I add is African American, rolls her eyes and reiterates her request. After much bickering, the two boys leave the train, thank goodness.

Thursday

Somewhere in between the Van Ness and Civic Center Station our train encounters a malfunction involving the breaks, resulting in an abrupt stop. Upon the sudden halt, bodies were flying, and one man actually flew from the middle of the bus all the way to the front. Luckily, no serious bodily harm came from the incident.

Public transportation…one of the joys of City living!

Week in Review

2006-11-16T21:38:00.000-08:00

Part 1 - Food Review

Michael Mina

On Sunday, Hubby and I decided to mark his 32nd birthday with a trip to the fabled restaurant, Michael Mina. Known for being one of the best, if not the best, restaurant in the City, Hubby and I went in with high expectations.

Unbeknownst to us beforehand, Michael Mina is famous for preparing and presenting every dish in three ways.

Amuse bouche of lobster

Soft shell crab

Quail

Braised kobe style beef

Roasted loin of baby lamb

The concept of preparing the food three ways seemed novel at the beginning of the meal, however, towards the end it felt a little gimmicky. While we were satisfied (barely, may I add) with the meal, the $500 dollar price tag left us wondering whether we received a proportionate amount of bang for our buck.

Rating: 3 stars. Didn’t live up to its stellar reputation.

Colibri

Wednesday night the girls and I decided to engage in some retail therapy. After much browsing in the new Bloomingdale’s, we decided to rest our feet at Colibri. The big draw of the place was the fact that it was the only place that we could find within a 3 block radius that offered Sangria. Plus, we had heard wonderful reviews about the Mexican bistro from our friends.

Carnitas

Once again, my expectations were let down. We could hardly taste the alcohol in the Sangria. The food, while prepared with high quality ingredients and quite tasty, was small given the price tag.

Rating: 3 stars.

Boston Market

While running errands tonight at the strip mall in Portero Hill, I noticed one of the few surviving Boston Market’s in the City. Craving some chicken, I decided to stop in for a bite.

For only $5.99, this was probably the most satisfying meal I have had all week.

Rating: 4 stars.

Just goes to show you, quality is not always commensurate to price.

Last Week's Recap

2006-11-08T23:56:00.000-08:00

Unlike Halloween past, when Hubby and I would venture out to the Castro to join the swarms of revelers and drunkards, we decided to play grown-ups this year and instead, chose to stay home and pass out candy to the little trick-or-treaters. Unfortunately, because of our location, turn-out was pretty disappointing.

Last Thursday, we went to mediation with the buyers of our condo. That’s right, mediation. In my wildest dreams, I would have never thought we could ever be sued, or even come close to being a party to something like this. Because I had just started a new job, I was unable to attend, thus leaving my husband and our attorney to fend for our case. To make a long story short, we ended up paying the entire amount in dispute, even though we were not at fault. Sometimes the justice system proves to be total unjust…

This Sunday, Hubby and I had brunch with his family at the Cliff House. This was the first time we had eaten there since it was remodeled. With its sleek interior, soaring ceilings, and floor to ceiling windows, the restaurant was barely resembled its pre-remodeled state. The food, on the other hand, was just as good as we remembered it to be.
On the pop culture news front, I am extremely saddened by the whole Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe break-up. They seemed so down to earth and normal. And, they were just an adorable couple to look at. But, being married myself, I realize how difficult sustaining a relationship can be, so I cannot even begin to fathom how people do it under the microscope and spotlight that comes with fame.

Catching Up

2006-10-29T22:19:00.000-08:00

Work

So my first week at my new place of employment has been relatively pleasant. The people here are SO nice, and most importantly, seem very happy with being there. The vibe of this place is drastically different from my former employer, where it seemed as if though most people were about ready to pull a gun and go postal at any moment.

Being the new kid on the block, and thus having to start over and prove myself, has been the toughest part of the adjustment. At my former employer, I was relatively high on the totem pole. Now, I have small, interior office. But with that said, downgrading to a smaller office is a tiny sacrifice I am willing to make to be apart of a happier, healthier, work environment.

Lingering Condo Issues

Not wanting to go into too much detail, we are about to go into mediation with the buyers of our condo this Thursday. I am not looking forward to it. I have a feeling that it is going to be pretty contentious, and the uncertainty of the outcome has my stomach in knots.

A Nice Sunday Walk

Last Sunday hubby and I decided to accompany some of our friends who signed up for the Nike half marathon. Since our friends wanted to walk the entire 13.1 miles, hubby and I ended up walking with them, instead of running the marathon like we usually would. After 4.5 hours of walking, we finally made it across the finish line to receive our nice Tiffany necklace!

Funky Feelings

Yeah, I am in a funk again, and don’t know why. It’s not as if though my life is riddled with problems. In fact, life has been pleasantly drama free, with a few small exceptions here and there. It’s been so calm, I have been B-O-R-E-D.

What is wrong with me? Do I enjoy trouble?

And On a Final Note

Thank god of daylight savings. I am very grateful for any occasion that gives one additional time.

The Things I Do For Beauty

2006-10-16T20:59:00.000-07:00

Going to Brazil

On a whim, I decided to get a Brazilian waxing. Perhaps I was inspired by the SATC episode where Carrie goes to LA and finds herself inadvertently receiving one. Perhaps I was looking for a way of curing my boredom. I really don’t know what served as the impetus for my decision to stripping it all off, but last Monday I found myself making an appointment at La Belle for the procedure.

Lying there, naked from the bottom up, a wave of awkwardness washed over me. Unlike a massage, where one’s private parts are unseen, here I was lying on the table with my private parts totally exposed. The aesthetician briskly walked into my room and parted my legs to assess the “situation.” “Hmm…lots to remove” she uttered in her thickly Russian accented voice. The rest of the time was spent with my legs in extremely unusual positions as warm wax was applied to various parts in my nether regions, which wasn’t too bad. I was just starting to relax when the aesthetician suddenly yanked, without any warning, a patch of hair. If anyone has seen “The 40-year Old Virgin”, and remembers the chest hair removal scene, my reaction was not too far off from David Carrel’s. 5 minutes into the stripping process, I started to wonder why on earth I submitted myself to this torture.

The next day, after the red bumps subsided, the results were amazing. And despite the pain and awkwardness, I would do it again.

Slick and Straight

This Sunday my hair underwent a 5-hour procedure known as ceramic straightening. Yes, the procedure takes approximately 5 hours, if not longer for those who have really kinky, frizzy hair. To sum up the entire ordeal, ceramic straightening is a multi-step process that first involves applying a creamy thick perm solution to the hair, washing the solution off, using a ceramic iron to straighten the hair, applying a straightening solution to the hair, washing that off, and using the ceramic iron to straighten the hair (again).

After 5 hours, one goes from hair that doesn’t behave to sleek, straight hair. The best part about the process is that the effects last for 6 months. Seriously, 5 hours is a long time to spend in a salon!

Before ceramic straightening

After ceramic straightening

Mishmash of Thoughts

2006-10-04T21:16:00.000-07:00

Resignation

After 3.5 years of loyal and stellar service to my current employer, their reaction to my departure has been absolutely disappointing. I won’t go into the details, but after a short discussion with the head partner, I decided to stand firm with my decision, and composed a long and poignant e-mail describing how difficult the decision was for me to make and how much I would miss interacting with my current co-workers on a daily basis, to which, the partner in charge of my departments responds,

“I am disappointed, but wish you the best.

I would like to meet with you to discuss the status of XXX case. Let me know when you have finished your lunch.”

In addition to the icy and dismissive reaction to my resignation, now my current employers are scouring through my expense reports looking for “suspicious” items. How f*cking ridiculous is that???

I hate web filters

Not being able to read or compose blogs at work has really been a downer. In fact, I have been suffering from blog withdrawal for months now. And writing blogs at home is particularly tricky with my husband’s constant inquiries as to what I am doing, hence the absence of posts recently. I have this weird thing about being to express myself fully when he’s watching over my shoulders.

Toxic people

I had dinner with my infamous bridesmaids last night. This was the first time I have seen them for 8 months. Sometimes I really try to find the redeeming qualities in them, something I can use to justify keeping them in my life. But when someone insists on giving off airs of pretension, when someone reacts to the joyful events in your life with bitterness, finding virtuous qualities in that person becomes a challenge.

Surmounting the hump

My girlfriend “H” is taking time off in between jobs, and flying off to London for 4 weeks to stay with a boy she meet a few weeks ago, with hopes that the trip will blossom into a permanent stay. As most can imagine, it is an enormous and terrifying step she’s taking. H calls me up this morning to inform me of her decision. Her voice was tenuous, as if though she wasn’t totally confident of her choice. Perceiving her need for comfort and encouragement, I shrieked with enthusiasm at her news. After she sensed my happiness, we discussed the details of her trip like two giddy little schoolgirls. H promptly booked her ticket to London after our conversation.

Sometimes all we need is just that little push of encouragement from our friends to get over the hump. I know H has been there many times when I needed that push, and I was only too happy to return the favor.

End those damn Gap commercials

I love Audrey Hepburn, but that Gap commercial has just soured her to me. Seriously, the commercial has gone from gimmicky to outright annoying. Please...someone make it stop!!!

Who's in control?

2006-10-02T22:14:00.000-07:00

Here I am, in my office at 9:00am, sipping on my cup of Starbucks. My to do list already has 20 tasks that still need attention, one of them being to update my blog, although, as I am sure it is apparent to most readers, is a responsibility I have allowed to fall by the wayside.

I look on my calendar and notice that I only have 2 free weekends between now and Thanksgiving that aren’t committed to some kind of event or activity – weddings, birthday celebrations, and just general commitments to family and friends. This leaves very little time for me. Yes, I know it sounds utterly selfish. But if I don’t tend to myself, who will?

Sometimes I wonder if I am rushing through life. Constantly chasing after your desires comes at a price sometimes.

***************************************************************

Last Friday I attended a fraud conference at my old stomping grounds of San Jose. I called up an old co-worker of mine, Adam, for lunch. Although Adam and I are approximately the same age, Adam is a devout Mormon. As such, Adam subscribes to certain convictions that some modern women may find offensive. For instance, at one point in our conversation, Adam, an adamant believer that woman’s place is at home with the kids, told me that “[r]eal men don’t make their wives work,” with the qualifier that he is open to the idea of part-time employment if the wife really insists on it. Adam then goes on to describe a female co-worker who has just announced her pregnancy, and with that, her intention to maintain fulltime employment. “What is the point of having kids, if your priorities are having a nice car and luxurious vacations, over spending quality time with the child?” Adam chimed.

While Adam’s viewpoints tend to be at the “extreme” end of the spectrum, I find that, although most men may not admit it, they have it ingrained in their heads that a women’s natural place in the family is that of a caretaker capacity.

Never mind that most of my friends are high-level executives, earning the fabled six figure salary. When it comes to romantic relationships, even the most powerful woman is expected to be subordinate to their male counterpart. And I know ALL men feel this way, despite how progressive or liberal some claim to be. At the end, being eclipsed by your female significant other is emasculating.

I know my relationship with my husband follows this theme. When we were consolidating finances, I was always the one expected to close my accounts and merge my assets with his. On the title for our house, my husband is the one designated as the primary titleholder. Regardless of my professional success, I will always be expected to be the submissive wife at home.

Thoughts??

On Guard

2006-09-23T13:08:00.000-07:00

My buddy Howard called me up yesterday after he received a call from another potential future employer (I am probably not taking this offer, but it never hurts to shop around). As the call was for a reference check, questions related to my character, personal and professional, were asked. The referencer’s closing comment was so poignant to Howard, he felt compelled to call me the next day. Apparently, one of the partners that I had interviewed with expressed a concern that I seemed so guarded, he wasn’t sure if I would ever open up.

Obviously, this comment came at an extremely sensitive time for me since this was the primary reason (I suspect) I lost the offer for the job of a lifetime (see earlier post).

I have been reading this book called Prep. The book is a recounting of the main character’s teenage years, as she navigates her way through four years at an elite boarding school. Once at the top of her class at her Midwest suburban middle school, her confidence has evaporated since attending the prestigious East Coast institution.

The book describes the heroine’s feelings of anguish, confusion, and doubt, so accurately, cleanly, and poignantly, there were times I couldn’t help but well up with tears. The book’s description of teenage angst was so right on, I couldn’t help but reminiscence on my own personal teenage triumphs and failures.

Just like the book, I also attended a highly regarded academic high school. And just like the heroine, the insecurities I felt during my high school years were traumatic. The desire to conform, the keen feelings of insecurity, transformed me into someone who lacked ease and casualness, riddled with “performance anxiety” on a daily basis.

While I have come a long way since high school, I still see the effects of that period on my behavior. To those who know me well, I am open and opinionated. But in those instances, when I have encounters with someone that may be less familiar to me, my adolescent tendencies can flare up; my ability to talk unguardedly, my fear of being judged, occasionally seep from the deep, inner recesses of my being, despite how much I may try to suppress those thoughts.

The book Prep is refreshing, because reading this book was, at times, like looking at my life, past and present. There is nothing perfect or romantic about the main character. In fact, she is often insecure, self-centered, awkward, and sometimes overly critical of herself. But it is the author’s compassionate, and yet honest, articulation of those uncomfortable feelings that we have all felt, and arguably still do, that makes this book resonate deeply with me. We may not all want to admit to having these feelings, but we all know that we do.

Sacrifices

2006-09-10T19:58:00.000-07:00

***Update: I was able to salvage the offer. The following post was written 2 weeks ago, the day after my interview. ***

I knew I had a long day in store for me when I woke up that Thursday morning. Bleary-eyed, I reached into the recess of my closet, plucking out the formal black suit that had not been worn for years. I only save my formal suits for very special occasions, when imparting the right impression is of utmost importance. And on that day, it was.

Over the course of the last 6 months I have been flirting with the idea of obtaining new employment. Much like the dating scene, I have found that while there may be an infinite amount of “suitors”, only a small number of them can be classified as “quality” candidates. Many candidates didn’t even make it past the first date. However, after much searching, I was able to narrow the choices to 3 firms.

While the first two firms seemed likely to offer a relatively pleasant work environment, both exuded a sense of desperation, as if though they were satisfied enough with the mere fact that I was breathing. However, with the third firm (“The Firm”), it was different. After meeting with the managing partner over coffee, and then again over lunch, it was clear that they wanted more than just a pulse. They wanted me to prove myself. And, as with most anything in life, when something becomes more difficult to secure, it just makes one want it more.

My mouth was agape when I walked into The Firm’s office. With its exposed air ducts, brick columns, deep, rich, ruby red walls, and personal offices encased with glass walls, the office looked more suitable for an architectural company than a stodgy, financial services firm. The receptionist walked me over to a small conference room, where I spent the next 6 hours enduring an endless barrage of questions by various partners and regarding my experience, reasons for leaving my current employer, my expectations for my new employer, what I liked to do on my time off, what my current co-workers would say about me, etc. etc. etc.

The Boardroom

Manager/Partner Offices

At around 4:30, the final interviewing partner walked me to the elevator lobby and shook my hand. Slightly weary, I took his hand and was about walk into the elevator, when he said “I know we are highly interested in you.” That’s when I knew I cinched the deal.

As I walked to the Muni station, I couldn’t help but feel a huge sense of satisfaction. The Firm appeared promising in many ways, mainly because of the potential for upward ascension.

On the Muni train, I noticed a father and daughter to my right. The little girl was adorable, with curly, blond tendrils, and big, luminous blue eyes. She was sitting down, holding her dad’s hand and looking up adoringly at him.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll regret the decisions I’ve made….I am pretty sure I will.

In the last couple of weeks I have

2006-09-04T19:30:00.000-07:00

Completed a marathon (and more importantly, survived it!).

Decorated the new abode

Gone to numerous weddings

Gone to even more birthday celebrations

Was almost sued by the Buyers of our condo

Got the job offer of a lifetime

Got the job offer of a lifetime rescinded the next day

How time flies when one is busy and stressed out!!!

Pedophile

2006-07-23T15:21:00.000-07:00

Am I the only one disgusted by this story?

(per "the Daily Dish" on sfgate.com)

Brinkley Dumped Husband for 'Cheating with Teenager'

Former supermodel Christie Brinkley dumped husband Peter Cook after he had an affair with his 19-year-old personal assistant, according to media reports.

Brinkley, 52, ditched her fourth husband after a dramatic confrontation between Cook and the stepfather of his teenage mistress occurred right in front of her.

A source tells the National Enquirer, "The girl's stepdad is a local cop in Southampton (New York) and he initially went to Cook and told him to end the romance.

"But nothing happened and then the stepfather found out where Christie and Peter were going to be at an event.

"He went up to both of them and said right in front of Christie, 'If I were not worried about getting my pension, you'd be a dead man. Stop dating my daughter.'"

The supermodel threw her husband out of the house the following day, according to the source.

Cook met 19-year-old Diana Bianchi last year, when she was working as a clerk at a toy store and was only 18 years old.

He then hired her as his "personal assistant" at his architectural firm.

The source adds, "He wined and dined her. She's an aspiring singer and he helped her make connections in the music business."

Bianchi's uncle, Joseph Bianchi, told the Enquirer, "It's an emotional time for Diana and she's really dealing with a lot right now." When contacted by the publication, Cook did not deny the affair saying, "I am happy to reply that I love my wife, I love my children. I have never stopped loving and caring for them, and we are still a family."

Another Year

2006-07-21T00:08:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to find freshly pressed coffee, a little breakfast, and an adorable anniversary card (with a notation that a La Belle gift certificate is on its way in the mail!). At the bottom of the card, hubby wrote,

“I know it may not always show, but I want you to know I always love you.”

Tears started to flow down my cheeks as I read his message. As I type this post, I still start to tear. I still cannot figure out why his card invoked such a reaction. Perhaps I cried because I was happy, perhaps because I was sad, perhaps because I was weary….. or perhaps, it was because my heart was overflowing with love.

To commemorate the special day, Hubby and I walked to Chouchou, a relatively new French Bistro tucked away in the neighborhood of Forest Hills.

Flat bread with salmon, onions, capers, and white cream sauce

Sautéed pork tenderloin with yukon gold mashed potatoes, old fashioned mustard sauce, confit onions & grapes

Farmed rainbow trout over spinach with crispy yukon gold potatoes and brown butter sauce

Towards the end of dinner, I looked into my hubby’s eyes. It was very apparent that he was tired. It’s been a tough year, filled with plenty of ups and downs, misery and stress, laughter and fun. I mouthed, “I love you”, and a warm smile filled his face.

The perfect ending I was looking for...

An elaborate affair

2006-07-19T21:51:00.000-07:00

This Saturday we attended the wedding of some newly founded friends, “Rad and Di”. The ceremony was to be held at Rad’s vacation home in Lincoln, with the reception at Koi Palace in Daly City. We all thought it was kind of odd to have 500 people drive for over 2 hours to attend a ceremony that was going to last 15 minutes, but this was before we got a glimpse of the actual venue.

When Di casually described the ceremony venue a couple a months ago, she neglected to mention that Rad’s parent’s “vacation home” was a $2.5 million dollar, 5,100 square ft mansion, which sat on 10 acres of land. Hubby and I drove up to the estate with mouths agape! After driving through the elegant wrought iron gates, a lady directed us to the parking lot, where several golf caddies waited to transport guests to the mansion. All of this only set the tempo for the rest of the wedding, which was just as elegant as the venue itself.

The ceremony took place right along a lake that runs adjacent to the mansion. Yes…these people have their own lake! After the ceremony the guest converged under the canvas tent that was set up for lunch. Guests sat around as servers sauntered by with platters of crab cake, ahi tuna tartar with pepper crostini, and almond crusted scallops with apple chutney. If that wasn’t enough for you, there was also a buffet of food ranging from Kumamoto oysters (my personal favorite), potato salad infused with real crab, grilled jumbo prawns sautéed in a garlic sauce, slices of ahi tuna, and grilled salmon.

After stuffing ourselves, a group of us decided to give ourselves a self guided tour around the mansion. The mansion, which was so elegantly appointed we were afraid to even touch some of the furnishings, showed very well. After marveling at the foyer, which had marble flooring and a soaring 20 foot floor to ceiling window which looked out to the reflection pool in the back, we roamed around the first floor, which contained a sitting room with a grand marble fireplace, a spacious family room, a library lined with dark (and very expensive looking) wood paneling throughout the room and another marble fireplace, a gourmet kitchen, and a humongous dining room. A cavernous master suite and 4 additional bedrooms were located upstairs. As hubby and I walked around the downstairs, gawking at some of the furnishings, a friend of ours looked at us with a smile. “You haven’t seen Rad’s 5 bedroom house in Pacific Heights yet have you?” For those of you who don’t know Pac Heights, it is home is some of San Francisco’s wealthiest, including some celebs such as Danielle Steele. Who would have known that we had a real life Rockefeller among our group!!

These people have truly set a new bar for any future weddings we will be attending.

Neighborly discord

2006-07-14T00:59:00.000-07:00

After picking up some Chinese food this evening and parking my car on the street, someone knocks on my door:

Me: Hi, can I help you?
B*tchy Neighbor: Who the hell do you think you are dumping your car in front of my house?
Me: (processing information, since the garages for all of the homes on our block are in the back, and there was no way I could be blocking her driveway)Excuse me?
B*tchy Neighbor: Your car, you have it parked in front of my house? Who do you think you are parking it in front of my house? Why don’t you park it in the back, that is what your garage is for. You’ve had your car parked in front of my house for 4 days!
Me: (umm, is she seriously telling me that I cannot park on the street, which is owned by the freakin city!!!!) Ok, if you have a strong preference for something, all you need to do is ask.
B*thcy Neighbor: Don’t park in front of my house (which is, once again, a public street), that goes for your (my husband’s car) too. Also, don’t park in front of “so-and-so’s” house either.
Me: (totally beside myself at the fact that someone could be so mad at the fact that I am parked on a public street)

My first apartment in the South Bay was located in downtown San Jose, an area dominated by poor Latino immigrants. Latino families primarily occupied the apartment I lived in. Whenever we had a conflict, we worked it out calmly. Our neighbors were too concerned about just surviving to fume over trivial matters.

Three years later, my roommate and I were finally able to relocate to a better part of San Jose. Although the digs were nicer, the people were not. The tenants would squabble over the most insignificant items. I’d often shake my head at the fact that people would waste their energy on matters so small.

Now here I am, living in one of the nicer parts of SF, being chewed out by a neighbor for parking on the freaking street!

I will let this pass…not because I am the better person or the nicer person, but because I am not a fucking loser, who allows something of little consequence to consume me with anger.

Yes, I will let this go….but she better hope that someone doesn’t accidentally spill toxic weed killer on her precious garden….muhahahahaha (hey, I made no disclaimers regarding being a mature person either).

Matter of opinion

2006-07-14T00:09:00.000-07:00

Imagine the scene – A girl’s night out, with the best of intentions. Dinner, bar hopping and dancing are on the agenda. We are all out on the prowl, just looking for innocent fun — not heartbreak. While gyrating to the an awesome 80’s remix, you look across the dance floor and see one of your gal pals, who’s been in a long term relationship, making out feverishly with someone who is clearly not her boyfriend.

WTF?

Over the course of the last 6 months the topic of cheating has somehow permeated conversations I have had with some of my friends. It’s amazing how different people can hold drastically different opinions on this topic. For instance:

Opinion of Friend A: During happy hour a while back, me and the girls discussed the topic of cheating. One of my friends stated that she wasn’t sure if she could be friends with someone who cheated. I guess, for her, the act of it was telling of that person’s character.

Opinion of City Gal: I think EVERYONE is capable of cheating. I am aware of religious freaks and individuals who are well respected within their community who have engaged in illicit affairs. At my old company, another co-worker was embroiled in an affair with a subordinate. He was Mormon, and Mormons are fanatically devout to their religion.

As for discarding friendships with a friend who is cheating, I do not hold the same extreme opinions as that of my pal, but I absolutely disrespect those that try to drag you into their affair (e.g. covering up for them). Just because your house is out of order doesn’t mean everyone else around you needs to get his or her hands dirty as well.

Opinion of Friend B: Another friend of mine says she can usually spot a cheater. According to her, cheaters are usually slimy and lowlifes. She states that none of her close friends could possibly engage in any kind of transgression because she doesn’t befriend people of such questionable character.

Opinion of City Gal: It’s not just “slimy” people who stray. Anyone and everyone can potentially fall into this trap of cheating. Cheaters do not wear a “Scarlet Letter A” on their chest. They look just like you and me. They can be your best friends. They are usually undistinguishable from the general population.

While at our Company Xmas party last year, an affair between two co-workers came to light in a big way. After becoming severely inebriated on free wine, the cheating couple snuck into someone’s office and started to dry hump each other on the floor. Just to make the situation more revolting, “Mr. Cheater” had a newborn child waiting for him at home. After the shameful incident at the Xmas party, various co-workers have suspected that they’ve been doing the deed at work after hours (one co-worker spotted blankets on the floor of Miss Cheater’s office).

Through the grapevine, I heard that the affair was finally discovered by the wife, who started to call our workplace demanding to speak to Miss Cheater. Apparently the wife’s mom got in the act too, and started calling our receptionist demanding to be transferred to Miss Cheater’s direct line. Miss Cheater just gave her notice. I suspect the embarrassment was finally too much to handle.

All of this leads the newest revelation related to the same topic. Another co-worker of mine just found out that he long-time girlfriend cheated on him during their first year of courtship, about 6 years ago. Thinking that she was the one, he’s now conflicted by the new discovery.

So does he forgive his cheating girlfriend, or does he practice a zero tolerance towards her infidelity? My advice? Do what your heart believes is right. However, if you do decide to move on with the relationship, her infidelity can only be forgiven, but not forgotten. Consider yourself forewarned.

The Life of an Insurance Agent’s Wife…NOT

2006-07-09T22:54:00.000-07:00

Since our vacay was fully paid for by an insurance carrier that Hubby’s agency works with regularly, we were obligated to attend a mixer that was held on the second night of our trip. Since all of the attendees are allegedly the top producers for this one particular carrier, Hubby and I thought it would be a good idea to mingle with some of these folks. Perhaps their successful aura would rub off on my Hubby. =)

Most of the wives that I met during the mixer didn’t appear to hold “real jobs”. Here are some of the more memorable lines I heard from some of the wives of fellow insurance agents Hubby and I met during our vacation.

“Oh yes, I use to be a flight attendant.”
“Of course I work…I work at my husband’s agency doing ‘administrative work’ (followed by a string of giggles) between the hours of 1-5.”

What a life these women lead!

While I joke every so often with my husband about the prospect of becoming a housewife, when it really comes down to it, I am not sure if the typical housewife “lifestyle” could sate me the same way as having a successful career. While this way of life satisfies many people, and I hold nothing against such individuals, I just do not think I am wired that way.

*****************************************************************************

After three years with the same company, I have come to the realization that my current employer will be unable to give me the advancement opportunities that I want. As a result, I started to explore other employment options about three months ago. After months of interviewing, I have narrowed my employment search to a handful of professional services firms that have a stellar reputation.

This morning, I interviewed with an accounting firm that is has been highly praised by a VP that my hubby worked with in his previous job. On the night before my interview, I spent 3 hours rehearsing answers to typical interview questions.

While sitting in the lobby waiting for the interviewing partner, I started to tremble with nervousness. It’s been a while since I have gone through the interviewing process. Will they like me? Will they just laugh at my experience?

As the interviewing partner lead me into his office, I was a little perturbed to see 2 other individuals sitting in his office. They thought that they would save time by having me interview with 3 partners at once! There was very little time for small talk, as the barrage of questions started before I even had a chance to sit down.

“So you are a senior manager at ‘Boutique Litigation Consulting Firm’. Tell me why you want to leave.”

“Tell me about your experience at ‘Infamous Big Five Accounting Firm’. What type of clients did you have, what type of issues did you deal with.”

After discussing my IPO experience during the technology boom, and my current experience working with on class action lawsuits involving Fortune 500 companies, these partners, who seemed very intimidating at first, were eating out of the palm of my hands.

When I got back to work later that day, I received a voicemail from the headhunter that referred me to the accounting firm. She left the following message on my VM,

“City Gal, they loved you. The partners are already fighting over who gets first dibs on you.”

Road to partnership…here I come!!!!!

I am not happy

2006-07-07T22:41:00.000-07:00

I cannot pinpoint the source of my discontent to one particular situation or person. Career? Family? Friends? Husband?

Maybe all of the above.

I was in San Jose the other day. Just being in close proximity of my old apartment, haunts of the past, filled me instantly with melancholy. Life was so easy back then. It was more carefree in those days. Whimsical and capricious decisions carried very little consequences.

I yearn for those moments. That happy-go-lucky mentality evaporates slowly with age. Life seems so heavy now. Even the smallest decisions must be made with great thought and care.

Does anyone know what I mean?

“Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.”

The Past Few Days of My Life

2006-06-30T14:34:00.000-07:00

Waiting…impatiently

for the sale of my condo to close. Originally scheduled to close on June 14th, a lag in the appraisal process resulted in the first delay, pushing the close date to June 22nd. While we were in Cabo our real estate agent informs us via email that one of the buyers is stuck in DC and cannot sign the lending docs until Monday, pushing the closing date even further out to June 29th (today). This morning Hubby checked our bank account to find that the funds have not been deposited. Apparently there are a few contingencies the mortgage broker needs to clear before we can receive our funds.

This bites. A 30 day close is turning out to be a 50 day close. I hate this process. If I have it my way, we will NEVER move again.

City life thus far

has been good. I am still very much in the honeymoon phase of living in a new location. We’re still adjusting to living in a new neighborhood and getting acquainted with the local grocery stores, etc. However, it does help and Hubby and I spent most of our teenage years around our current neighborhood.

I love the fact that my commute to work has been cut in half. I love the fact that Hubby and I no longer have to trek 20 miles to enjoy some of our favorite restaurants or attend a concert at Stern Grove. In fact, we can actually walk to Stern Grove from our house!

My only complaint is the weather. For those unfamiliar with SF, it is a City of many microclimates. While it could be sunny and absolutely cloudless in the Financial District, clouds could be as thick as pea soup in the southern parts of SF, where I live. On occasion I have found myself wistful for the clear and warm weather in San Mateo.

I almost forgot how much attitude

City people have. There is an edginess, almost roughness, that most City folks have. I too, once had this edge, but it has softened very much since living in the South Bay/Peninsula.

I am sure most of you have no idea what I mean by this. I am not quite sure I can articulate the concept clearly myself. It’s just this feeling I get when I am at the grocery store, on Muni, or observing people as I walk around West Portal. People just seem to have an added amount of sharpness or sassiness to them here. I dunno, maybe I’ve just grown really soft in the last 12 years.

Speaking of Muni

I almost forgot how horrible SF public transit could be. Luckily, I use the underground Muni, which is marginally better than ground transportation. But still, here is a list of unpleasant experiences I have had so far in the last two weeks:

· While sitting down on one of the seats generally reserved for the elderly, a homeless lady gets on in the Civic Center station. She tells the lady in the sit next to mine to “get the hell out of the seat” because medical conditions require her to sit down. After successfully securing a seat, she tells me to get the hell out of my seat because she needed elevate her leg. Faced with the prospect of a homeless lady’s leg on my lap, I promptly vacated the seat.

· People with staring problems. Is it really necessary to check someone out for 5 minutes? If so, at least do it discretely. I don’t know how many little teenage girls have been so rudely blatant in critiquing my appearance. Umm, hello, I am like 15 years your senior! Rude!

· B.O. is more noticeable when you’re sandwiched in a crowd of bus takers. I think I nearly passed out yesterday from the stifling smell emanating from someone’s armpit.

· I swear someone purposely pinched my rear end last week. I cannot understand how someone can just “accidentally” grab onto your butt, even if for a few seconds. Pervert.

Urban living. You’ve got to love it.

I'm back!!!

2006-06-27T08:21:00.000-07:00

Hubby and I spent 5 wonderful days in San Jose del Cabo, a quaint seaside town 30 minutes outside of Cabo San Lucas. It was a well welcomed, and well needed, vacation. But the best part of the trip was the fact that it was all paid for, courtesy of an insurance company that Hubby’s agency deals with on a regular basis. Apparently this is one of the many perks that agents can look forward to if their sales meet or exceed a given target amount.

We stayed at the InterContinental Presidente, an all inclusive resort situated right on a pristine beach along the Sea of Cortez. This is one of the biggest resort hotels Hubby and I have ever stayed at, with the layout eerily reminding us of the dormitory environment at a college campus. However, once you get past the rows of buildings, the place is quite nice. Those that are lucky enough are assigned a room on the first floor, which comes with a walk out patio and individual hammocks for each room. Unfortunately Hubby and I were given a room on the top floor, which is considered less desirable.

Most of our time in Mexico was spent in San Jose del Cabo, a much calmer and historic city than Cabo San Lucas. The Town has remained relatively untouched by tourism and aside from a few souvenir shops and a couple of trendy looking restaurants/bars, there’s not too much to San Jose. This type of tranquility may have bored Hubby and I to tears in our younger years, but we actually enjoyed being away from the hussle and bussle of a touristy scene. There were a few moments where we entertained the idea of taking the shuttle out to the party town of Cabo San Lucas to check out some legendary bars such as Cabo Wabo, Squid Roe (where apparently, people do things there that would make even the biggest party animal blush) and the Giggling Marlin (where the bartenders hang unsuspecting patrons upside down like a fish and pour tequila shots down their throats), but the free drinks at the hotel bar sounded more compelling after a long day of snorkeling.

A big surprise was how pricey things were. Considering we were technically in a third world country, the prices for food and alcohol were pretty much up to American standards. If anyone came to San Jose or Cabo expecting to find huge bargains, I think they would be surprisingly disappointed.

All in all, it was a pleasant vacation. I would highly recommend Cabo to anyone looking for a quick and relatively affordable retreat.

enjoy life while you can

2006-06-21T00:01:00.000-07:00

Amidst all this craziness in my life with the house, condo (and no, I have not closed on this yet due to a delay in the appraisal process), and work, sometimes I forgot how fortunate I am. However, something I learned last week gave me pause…

Chris was a former co-worker of mine who had almost everything going for him. He had just started his own financial services firm with two other partners. He was just hired to serve as a consultant to a large, multinational, Fortune 500 firm, an engagement that was going to garner huge fees and take him to places such as Paris and London for 6 months. He had a bevy of loyal, dependable friends. From a cursory glance, he seemed as though he was at the pinnacle of his life.

I use the word almost emphatically because ever since I have known Chris there has been one huge void in his life. When I initially met Chris, he was just ending a very serious and long-term relationship. During the course of our employment at my old firm, he had fallen in love with a co-worker. His love for her was so deep that, when she ended her US rotation and flew back to her home country of Russia, he flew out there, with a Tiffany’s ring in tow, to purpose to her. A couple of months later, she ended the engagement because she came to the epiphany that they were not “meant to be”.

After a string of failed relationships, it looked like Chris had found the one. An older lady with a child, she seemed more mature, and ready to settle, than his previous fiancé. Chris, who moved back to the Bay Area from Los Angeles to be with this lady, seemed very content with the current relationship. When a group of us had lunch with him only 4 weeks ago, Chris was flying high in life. After lunch Chris walked me part way back to work. When we parted ways, I gave him a hug and told him that we needed to do lunch again soon. He returned the statement with a big, luminous smile. “Yes, for sure”, he said.

And then last Friday morning, I received a chilling call from a mutual friend of ours. The tone in his voice suggested something was awry. After some awkward moments, he finally spilled the news. “Chris’s sister found his body last week in his apartment. It looks like he killed himself because he couldn’t handle the break-up with his girlfriend….”

My initial reaction was that of disbelief. How could it be? I knew that he had made lunch plans with some of my former co-workers for THIS week! I still shudder at the thought.

Chris had such a great life. Sure, there were some things that were still lacking. But, hey, don’t we all have problems, shortcomings, issues? None of us could comprehend his decision. To me, he and I were not that different, which made the whole incident more shocking.

But I guess there is one crucial difference between he and I that I was never aware of until last week. Regardless of how bad things have been in life, I’ve always managed to realize that there was a way out, some kind of light waiting for me at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes the tunnel is longer than I would have preferred, and sometimes I need to take a circuitous route to get to the end of the tunnel, but regardless, I’ve always known that the light exists, in some form or fashion, out there.

Perspective. I never realized the power of it until now…sometimes it is what keeps us alive.

Spoil the rod and spare the child

2006-06-02T16:08:00.000-07:00

While logging in my time report yesterday, I noticed that I had worked 16 hours this past Wednesday…16 HOURS, starting at 9 am and leaving at 2 am the NEXT DAY. So I guess technically I didn’t work 16 hours in one day, since the hours worked past midnight count towards hours worked in the following day….whatever, it is still a hell a lot of hours to work in one sitting.

Sorry if I am being a little incoherent right now. Lack of sleep tends to make one a little loopy.

*********************************************************

While chatting with a girlfriend of mine recently, I complained about how financially strapped hubby and I were during this crazy process of buying a house and selling our condo simultaneously. Oh by the way, for anyone out there in the blogging world contemplating a feat like this, word of advice – don’t do it. Save your sanity, take things one step at a time.

Anyhow, my friend K follows up by stating how ridiculous she thought it was for hubby’s family not to have offered to help us during this trying time. According to K, her parents would have helped her in a heart beat. “They would have given me the entire down payment of $200K and I wouldn’t have even had to ask. I don't believe [hubby's] parents didn't even offer to give you the cash for your down payment.” Because, according to K, that is what family is for. Just to give you a little background on K, when she decided to move to the City, her family evicted the tenants that were living in their rental and then dropped $65K remodeling the house for K and her little sister. Furthermore, K and her sister pay $400 collectively in “rent”. Her parents indulge her in a multitude of other ways as well, so she’s a little spoiled.

Growing up, my parents didn’t have much money. While my friends in high school were dropping big bucks on designer purses and Guess/Girbaud jeans, courtesy of mommy and daddy, I had to pay for my clothes with money I earned from my part time job. (Yeah, I know that no one was forcing me to buy expensive clothes and that there are homeless people out there and life could have been much worse.) From an early age I learned that no one was going to give me handouts in life, and if I really wanted something, I needed to work for it.

This philosophy stayed with me throughout college as well. Really wanting a UC education, I knew there was no way my parents could foot the bill. So I went to the local community college during the day and worked 2 (sometimes 3) jobs during my freshman and sophomore years to save for the UC education I desired.

My husband, although from a far wealthier background, has the same ideology when it comes to getting what you want – you work for it. I cannot tell you how much it grates me to hear my staff complain about how little they are paid and about how hard it is to advance in my company, and then see these same individuals scamper in at 10 am and sneak out at 4 pm. I’m not saying that I expect them to work 50-60 hours on a regular basis, but in life, you are generally rewarded according to effort. If you don't want to put in the effort, then don't expect to get rich rewards. I believe you reap what you sow.

So hubby and I may have struggled a bit, stretched ourselves thin at some points, and developed minor ulcers, to progress to the next chapter in our lives of homeownership. But we did it with our own blood, sweat and tears.

Although I won’t lie to you, I wouldn’t have rejected any financial assistance had it been offered. ;)

By the time Hubby and I have kids, I do believe we will be firmly established financially. But even then, I do not plan on spoiling my kids. They will have to work for what they want, because I believe that is the only way one truly appreciates what they have.

What is your philosophy on child rearing?

Hubby and I love to watch The Apprentice. I have a whole new respect for Donald Trump’s children, Ivanka and Donald Jr.. Despite their enormous family wealth, they seem so grounded, so down to earth, and so NORMAL. And I love the fact that Ivanka is a suma cum laude from the University of Penn. – brains and beauty, definitely someone to admire.

Catching up

2006-05-27T11:46:00.000-07:00

April 10th – Sign purchase contract for new home in SF, with a 21 day close clause. We are set to close escrow in May 1st.

April 22nd – Our condo is officially “on the market”.

April 26th – Receive an offer at the original asking price. After some debate with hubby, decide to have another open house that weekend and defer taking the offer. Call our mortgage broker at the time to conform that we are still on target for a May 1st close (which is only 6 days away at this point) on the new house. She confirms we are still on target.

April 27th – Get a call from our mortgage broker. Seems like she was being overly optimistic with the information she relayed yesterday. States that at this point, she thinks the close of escrow will delayed by 2 days, but will not know until the following week.

April 28th – Spend entire day placating worried sellers. Sellers threaten to call up other buyers. Desperate to keep the sellers happy, we agree to pay for the additional costs of carrying the property in excess of original escrow close date.

April 30th – Decide to accept the offer we received April 26th. At this point, both the buy and sell side seem ok.

May 1st – Call our mortgage broker, desperate for some visibility as to when we can close on our new house. She says she is still working with the lender on getting the paperwork completed, and cannot say with certainty as to when that will occur.

May 2nd – Receive an email from the sellers with the daily costs of carrying the property in excess of original close date. Discover that she is charging us INTEREST on top of her regular mortgage payments. The “interest” amount is practically the same as her mortgage payments (WTF?). Upon inquiring her of her methodology behind this mysterious interest amount, she barks back by saying that since we are in breach of contract, she could have charged us $1,000 a day, but didn’t because she took the “high road”. Whatever….

May 3rd –

1) Finally, the loan docs arrive at the title company. We go into the title office at 9 a.m. to sign the docs. Upon our arrival, we find out that my name is misspelled on the loan docs!!! The notary calls the bank and receives the ok to correct the misspelling manually on the docs.
2) Around 11 a.m., receive an email from the title officer, stating that the manager at the bank decided to overturn the authorization of his subordinate and that we would need to go back in to re-sign all of the loan docs.
3) Around 2 p.m., receive a call from my real estate agent informing me that the buyer of our condo decides to back out of the deal. We scramble to call the buyer with the back up offer.

May 4th – Go back to re-sign the loan docs. Find out that my name is STILL misspelled.

May 5th – The new house is officially OURS! Receive a call from our agent telling us that the a new purchase contract will be completed with the back up buyer and that once she signs, we will be on track again. Things start to look ok again.

May 9th – Find out that the back-up buyer has gotten cold feet. Start to feel sick in the stomach….

May 10th – One of my partners tells me that we’ve been given a new assignment with a deadline of June 1st. Usually a project of this scope takes about 6 months, but the law firm would like for us to complete the engagement in 3 weeks…the stress just keeps coming and coming…

May 12th – Receive a call from our agent at 8:30 telling us we got a new offer. Seems like their profiles are very similar to ours – a young couple, late 20’s to early 30’s, Chinese female and Pilipino male, looking to buy their first place. Offer is lower than asking, but we decide to run with it.

So that sums up the last couple of weeks of my life. Still working away and in the process of selling the condo. I cannot remember what it feels like to have a stress free moment, but I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I only hope I can get to the light without killing myself….

****Update****
As I was typing this post, just got an email from my partner,

"Hi guys, can we meet tomorrow morning at 9:30 to talk about our schedule for this weekend? I'm hoping that we won't need to be in the office everyday this weekend."

Have a great Memorial Day weekend. Soak up some additional sun rays for me!!!!

banned

2006-05-08T20:48:00.000-07:00

i can no longer access my blog account from work...this SUCKS!!!

Welcome to the burbs

2006-05-01T22:26:00.000-07:00

The sellers of our house decided to hold a farewell bash this Saturday to commemorate their move. The sellers thought the soiree would be a good opportunity for us to meet our new neighbors and insisted that we attend.

As with any social event, my biggest dilemma involved attire. What to wear?!? This wasn’t any weekend outing to some bar, where the standard “hoochy” gear of a cute tight top and jeans will do. I was meeting my neighbors, who more than likely are ultra conservative. First impressions are everything, and like it or not, the type of clothing you wear can communicate volumes about you as a person. I definitely wanted to show that I was young and hip, however, given the family oriented nature of our new neighborhood, I also wanted to impart a sense of virtuousness (hee, hee, little do they know!).

So I opted for this simple ensemble of a cute pink and white speckled henley style sweater from BR and a pair of dark wash Sevens with my beige boots from BCBG.

For the most part, the neighbors were all very nice. About 8 families showed up. As I suspected, the neighborhood is primarily comprised of an older crowd, with a smattering of younger couples here and there. Almost everyone that showed up seemed to have at least 2 kids in tow. The other couple that is the closest in age to us is expecting their first child in 6 months. I suspect hubby and I may be the only childless couple on the block. Around 7 pm, the crowd started to thin out. Some of the neighbors made commentary that suggest they were not accustomed to being out this late (WTF?).

Is this where my life is heading – deteriorating sense of fashion and stubborn pregnancy weight?

Walking away from the celebration, I became acutely aware of the significance of our move. It’s not just a new house we are moving into in a week, but also a new chapter in our lives. It is a chapter I’ve resisted starting for 32 years of my existence, but as with many things in life, you can only run so far before life catches up with you…..

Touched

2006-04-24T23:23:00.000-07:00

These past two weeks have been the most stressful weeks I have had in my life. Between watching our bank account deplete at a frightening speed, cleaning our current condo, stressing out over the sale of our current condo, and dealing with all the administrative matters related to the purchase of our new home, I am spent. Also, the added stress has been creating a strain my relationship with the hubby. It’s as though we’ve been working two jobs – our regular jobs and then our “night job” of attending to our real estate matters. We’re both weary from this process, and our exhaustion has made us less tolerant toward each other.

However, during this process, there have been a couple of individuals who have shown us much kindness.

Real Estate Agent – Even though we kind of screwed her by not utilizing her with the purchase of our new home, she has been nothing but supportive and helpful with the sale of our condo. In addition to shaving off half a percentage point from her commission, she also spent all afternoon at the condo staging it with props that she brought. Considering that we’re small potatoes compared to some of her other properties, I didn’t feel that she skimped us in any way when it came to customer service.

Hardwood Flooring Guy – We had installed pergo flooring in our living room about 2 years ago. Shortly after the installation, we discovered bubbling in a small area by the stairs, but due to our busy schedules, neglected to follow up with a complaint. 2 years later, the problem now needs to be remedied. The flooring guy, a bit puzzled with why I waited so long to follow up, agrees to come over today. After a quick examination he tells me that the problem is likely the result of a moisture leak rather than shoddy workmanship on his part and tells me that he usually charges $400 for repair jobs like this. Sensing my distress at his news, he tells me that he would do the job for free and repair the flooring this Saturday before our first open house! (Of course, my husband and I will pay him something for his time, but the offer was very sweet)

I am sure these individuals think absolutely nothing of their actions and have no idea how much their kindness has done for me, esp. during a stressful time like this.

Reality Hoe

2006-04-18T10:35:00.000-07:00

Last week, while out sick from work for 2 days, I discovered a new guilty pleasure, The Real Housewives of Orange County. I chuckle as I type, because even though the show purportedly depicts the real lives these ladies lead, I have a feeling that the show is as genuine as their breasts.

The show is best described as a strange hybrid of Laguna Beach: The Real O.C. and Desperate Housewives. It follows five women who lead so called glamorous lives in a picturesque Southern California gated community, Coto de Caza. The series skips around to the different households, showing the housewives interacting with their families and with each other. The wives include Jeana, a former Playmate who married a pro baseball player; Vicki, the driven insurance exec and smothering mother; Kimberly, the bleach-blond, chest-enhanced trophy housewife; Lauri, a former inhabitant of Coto until her divorce; and Jo, a mid-20’s Puerto Rican beauty who’s bored witless and struggling to acclimate in the new ritzy environment.

Much like The Real O.C. and other grandiose reality shows, The Real Housewives of Orange County is as strangely fascinating as a bad car accident; you know you shouldn't look, but can’t help yourself. There is something about watching affluent people go about their daily lives, whether it be mundane tasks like meeting with their interior decorators, hairstylists, botox doctor, or having lunch with the gals where they compare their latest round of cosmetic work.

Do I think they show in anyway resembles anything close to real? Maybe it does for a small fraction of the populace. However for the majority of us who live in more normal and modest means, it can be fascinating to watch those of excessive means be excessive.

Was it a dream?

2006-04-14T10:29:00.000-07:00

Have you ever really wanted something, gotten it, and then wished that it never happened?

*****************************************************************************

Monday morning, I woke up, turned to my husband, and said “Baby, I had the weirdest dream last night. In my dream, we bought a house in this bizarre bidding process.”

Oh Sh*t, it wasn’t a dream!

All day Monday, I didn’t share the news with anyone. Not co-workers, not friends, not even family. The whole experience still seemed surreal. I didn’t allow myself to feel any happiness, too afraid that such feelings would anger the gods somehow.

On Tuesday, I started to let the news leak a bit, adding with the announcement the caveat “it’s still very, very tentative, and the deal could possible fall through.” I was still afraid to feel any joy, too afraid that the deal would crumble like a house of cards.

It’s Friday now, and I am starting to perk up a bit. There are still moments I feel minor panic attacks at the thought of what we need to do, and the financial stress that we will have to endure, in the next upcoming weeks. I pray we can turn our condo over quickly….

Wish me luck..I feel as though I will need plenty of it in the next couple of weeks!

Round Robin

2006-04-13T11:21:00.000-07:00

**Warning, extremely long post. Read if you have the inclination and patience**
For the last month Hubby and I have had the same Sunday afternoon routine, consisting of running from one open house to another between the hours of 2 pm to 4 pm. I generally refer to these as our open house marathons. It is physically draining, emotionally exhausting, and downright depressing. Granted, we’ve only been actively searching for a month [it took some of our friends 2 years (!!!) to find a place], this ritual has become the bane of our existence.

This past Sunday hubby and I followed our general routine of touring selected open houses. With a more realistic budget in mind, we visited a house in the outer Sunset district and another in the outer Richmond district. There was one last house with an asking price well within our budget. However, the home was in the ritzy Forest Hills district. Going through this song and dance twice before, hubby and I figured they were playing the “ask for a ridiculously low price, generate a lot of frenzy and get drastically overbid” game. However, finding ourselves with some spare time, we decided to drop by. Hell, it can’t hurt to dream, right?

Upon walking in, both hubby and I instantly realized that the house was out of our league. The home was absolutely adorable. The owners had staged the house with rented furniture. We made a quick walkthrough and decided to leave. There was no point in teasing ourselves.

On our way out, Marie [one of the owner’s of the house] approached us. She was absolutely adorable - bubbly, blond, and very talkative. She explained that the house was being sold without the assistance of a real estate agent [for sale by owner]. After we complimented her on her lovely home, she proceeded to expound on the offer process; the first step is to write your offer on a sign up sheet. There was one common sign up sheet, and everyone has the ability to see the offer price of the competition. The second step is something called the “round robin” bidding process that works as follows – after the open house is over, the seller calls the top ten highest bidders on the sign up sheet in the order of where they rank in price. The top bid price at that point in time is communicated, and the bidder has the option to either overbid the current high price, with a required minimum increment of $1,000, or drop out of the process. After she explained the process, my husband and I were intrigued, and decided to take a quick peek at what others where offering.

One would think that, given the crazy competitive real estate market that is the Bay Area, and esp. SF, you would have found significant overbidding in this situation. WRONG! Some individuals had the audacity to place bids that were $250,000 below the asking price! Below, in SF!! At that point, the highest bid price was $36,000 over asking, which was still within our budget and well below what we thought was the value of the home. Without anything to lose, we wrote down an offer price and left.

At 8 pm, half an hour before the round robin was scheduled to begin, we called Marie and inquired about our status. We were 4th highest on her list. She gave us the highest bid amount and asked if we wanted to up our offer before the start of official bidding. We decided to increase our offer to an amount that was $5,000 over the highest current offer.

Hubby and I both recognized that there was a potential we could get carried away with the bidding process, and agreed that our absolute threshold was $X50,000. However, we also knew there was NO WAY we would get it at this price, since we both believed the house was worth at least $75,000 over this amount. So at this point, this whole process was more of a way to entertain ourselves than a real chance at home ownership. Call us jaded, but the scars from our previous offers were still fresh. From 8 to 8:30, we casually watched TV and didn’t give this whole situation another thought.

At 8:40, Marie called to inform us we were still the highest bidders. After telling her we were going to stay put, we hung up the phone and continued watching TV. In our minds, we still thought the home was out of our reach.

At 9:40, Marie calls us back. Before announcing the current highest bid, she sighs deeply. I took this as an indication that she was about to give us bad news, like the price has already gone up $50,000. Anyhow, she proceeds to tell us that the price has only moved up $4,000 in the last hour! Hubby and I look at each other in disbelief. We decide to up the offer by $2,000 over the current high bid. Still believing the process was just a big joke, we hung up the phone and I walk over to the kitchen to cook a little snack.

This back and forth process of upping the offer price by $1,000 to $3,000 increments continued for another hour and a half, during which we maintained a casual attitude towards the situation. Clearly there were still serious bidders out there, who probably have a higher threshold amount than ours. However, at 11:15, based on Marie’s speed of calling us back, we could tell there were only 2 bidders left – us, and another couple. Upon this realization, I crumbled onto the floor hyperventilating. OH MY GOD, this could be it! At 11:50, the bid price was up to $X47,000, only $3,000 from our threshold. We were the highest bidders at this point. Marie called us back sounding frustration. I guess the other bidder was getting nervous and asking to include all sorts of contingencies on the their offer. She asked us if we wanted to stay at our bid price, and we told her yes. She then hung up to talk to the other party. I was on pins and needles at this point. Who knows what the other party was going to do. I started to feel queasy with nerves. At 11:59, Marie called us back and stated “If you are willing to offer $X50,000, the house is yours!” Hubby and I looked at each other, and yelled “Yes, we’ll take it!!”

And that is how I spent my Sunday night.

Outbidded

2006-04-07T13:43:00.000-07:00

Just heard back from our real estate agent about our two offers:

House #1: 12 offers, our offer was 9th highest, fetched $150,000 over asking.

House #2: 10 offers, our offer was 5th highest, fetched $200,000 over asking.

Fuck.

Truffles

2006-04-05T17:55:00.000-07:00

Oregon White Truffle

Oregon Black Truffle

A cut truffle

One of the great things about living in (or around) San Francisco is the accessibility to the best restaurants in the country. I LOVE to eat.

Given my passion for food, naturally I was intrigued when Donald Trump announced the reward for the winning team – a six course dinner at one of NY’s most exclusive restaurants, Alain Ducassee. This wasn’t just any six course meal, but a six course truffle tasting menu, featuring the uber expensive white truffle. How does one define uber expensive you ask? Try $4,000 a pound.

The closet I’ve gotten to the white truffle is when my husband had some during my b-day dinner at Gary Danko. Even then, I had no understanding of how exotic and expensive the stuff was.

Here are some basic facts about the white truffle:

· Truffles grow underground with the roots of certain trees
· People who forage for truffles are referred to as trifilao
· Trifilao’s use dogs to sniff out the truffles
· Only grows for a couple of months in the year (September through December)
· In ancient times, magical powers and virtues were attributed to truffles.

Has anyone in blogland tried the truffles? Rumor has it that truffles are so tasty and aromatic that once eaten, it can never be forgotten.

Your cheating heart

2006-04-03T20:39:00.000-07:00

If a good friend of yours cheated, could you still maintain a friendship with that person?

The reaction that my some of my friends had to this hypothetical question surprised me. To them, the act alone was enough to tarnish the friendship beyond repair.

I am no stranger to cheating. I met my dad’s long term mistress when I was 5 years old. Cheating is not a new concept to my hubby’s family either. In fact, the bastard children from his uncle’s mistress attend holiday events as though they are officially apart of the family.

Over the years, I have known people who’ve strayed from their significant other. Sometimes the transgression is accepted as a normal part of the relationship, but for the most part, the cheater is part of a long-term relationship, and the significant other is none the wiser.

When I was younger, I was much more “idealistic” about the way things should be. However, part of growing up is realizing that things are not always black and white. Despite my own struggles with my dad’s philandering, I realize most normal people in committed relationships do not cheat on a whim. Whatever preceded the affair is usually sad and painful. And as humans, we are entitled to our share of mistakes and imperfections. If we go through life eliminating everyone who has slipped-up, pretty soon we’d be left with no one.

**************************************************************************

I have had this stubborn flu for the last two weeks that has just been sucking the life out of me. Is it just me or is there a major flu strain going around?

Full Circle

2006-04-03T14:21:00.000-07:00

Last Friday I came to the painful realization regarding how far my life has drifted from some of my girlfriends. These were the same people that I spent most of my late 20’s cavorting and gallivanting with. For the longest time, these were the people that probably knew me best. But on Friday, I felt like I didn’t know them at all. Most of them, fresh out from a long term relationship, have been going out and partying, meeting guys, and hanging out with a new “party crew”. There were moments during the night I felt a strange déjà vu, as though I might have had the same exact conversation when I was in my early 20’s. All that talk about the latest clubs, the guys they’ve been meeting, being boy crazy – I just couldn’t relate anymore.

Maybe I am just jealous about their newfound social life. But at the end of the night, I felt plain old…

****************************************************************************

Last week I had dinner with an old childhood friend of mine named Judy. Judy and I met during the summer of 3rd grade when we attended the same day camp. There was a period in my life when Judy was one of my closest friends, but then high school came and our interests diverged. I was more interested in partying and being disobedient, while Judy became more involved with her church. We tried to remain friends during our early high school years, but our social differences placed too much of a strain on the friendship.

Years later, we ran into each other on the street and exchanged contact information. Last week was our 3rd time hanging out since our initial run in. Initially, I was a little hesitant about developing a friendship with her again – would those differences that divided us the first time still be there? Would she frown on my drinking, my materialism, all of my nasty little vices? Strangely, I discovered that in adulthood, we had very much in common. In my older age, we're finally on common ground again.

It’s funny sometimes how life takes a full circle. I know, in time, my friends and I will find ourselves in the same place again. Until then, I will just hold tight.

Maverick

2006-03-30T17:06:00.000-08:00

A classmate from my wine class was involved with organizing a winemaker’s dinner featuring wine from the Terre Rouge/Easton Winery at Maverick last night, and was gracious enough to extend an invitation to all of us in class. Never one to turn down food and alcohol, hubby and I couldn’t resist.

For $62 dollars, we were able to have all this.

An amuse bouche of breaded sardines over lettuce with a light vinaigrette
Paired with Rose Brut

Swimmin’ Shrimp – Sautéed Florida white shrimp
Paired with Enigma {Marsanne, Viognier, Roussanne}

Smoked Duck Salad – Alder smoked duck, haricot vert, frisee, radicchio, molasses and sherry vinaigrette
Paired with Mourvedre

Flank Steak – Steak with goat cheese, oysters and portobello mushrooms, on top of a garlic and herb potato pancake
Paired with Syrah

Caramelized Banana Pie
Paired with Muscat

Every so often, the winery’s owner would come and give us a discourse on the wines we tasted. My friend Hoa, who’s never shy about asking for extras, was able to wheedle additional glasses of wine for the entire table. Towards the end of the meal, all of us were full and WAY DRUNK. I have to admit, I probably should have stopped with my wine consumption after the 4th glass, but self control is something that I am still working on.

Sitting here this morning, with a pounding headache, I don’t regret the gluttonous behavior I engaged in last night. Because this is what life should be all about – good food, good alcohol, and good company.

Big Disappointment

2006-03-29T09:17:00.000-08:00

This weekend I watched the new HBO series “Big Love” for the first time. On the surface, the main character, Bill Paxton, looks like your average joe who works hard for a living, with one huge exception – his 3 wives. Each family has their own home, but they share one huge common backyard and live like one big happy family.

All I have to say to this concept is puke, puke, puke. While I do not profess to be an avid watcher of quality programs (please see my previous post regarding “cheese TV”), TV producers are truly stretching the boundaries in their endeavors to find new material.

First of all, considering all the hype and hoopla surrounding the series, based upon last Sunday’s episode I have to say that the show was pretty ….blah. It appears that Big Love is relying too much on the sheer outlandishness of the bare idea of polygamy to be compelling.

The basic premise of the show already seems pretty implausible to me. Not only are the wives not competitive with each other, they all get along with each other. The wives have regular meetings to work out Bill's schedule, which includes “bedroom duties”, as well as which breakfast table he visits on which day. It’s this collaborative environment that I find the most unrealistic.

Please TV producers, give me something that I can relate to, like Laguna Beach and America’s Next Top Model…

A strong man

2006-03-28T09:40:00.000-08:00

I guess the Friday night debacle has been a topic of discussion with some of my girlfriends. While talking to K on Wednesday, I relayed what had happened between hubby and myself on St. Patty’s day. After describing our fight, K sighs and then goes on to compare our relationship to another married couple K knows very well, Jimmy and Pauline. According to K, had Pauline called Jimmy that night in a drunken stupor, asking him to drive 25 miles to pick her drunk ass up, he would of done so without complaint. “He would not have complained, and would just be so happy that she was ok” were K’s exact words.

I realize that every relationship has its own characteristics, and what may work well in one relationship may not work well in another. My personal philosophy in a relationship is “treat others like you would want them to treat you.” Had hubby called me up at midnight after a night of debauchery needing a ride home, I probably would have been pretty annoyed myself. However, that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t have been relieved to hear that he’s safe.

I was not upset that my husband didn’t react like Jimmy (who I personally believe sounds like he is pussy whipped). In my mind, hubby was justified in his response to my request Friday night. In fact, his strong backbone, and willingness to express his true feelings, is what keeps me in check. Because a strong woman needs an equally strong man, and I know my hubby fits the bill.

Partying with the Irish

2006-03-21T19:11:00.000-08:00

In my younger days, any occasion to drink was always greeted with enthusiasm. For many years St. Patty’s Day was at the top of my list of favorite holidays. Never mind that I am Chinese, never been to Ireland, and can count the number of close Irish friends on one hand (she’s actually half Irish, but I like to round up). Year after year, I would don my best green top and drink green beer, celebrating some holiday that I know little about. Year after year, history would repeat itself – we would start off at the block party in the financial district and have some drinks there, stumble to the North Beach, have some more drinks and finish the night off with dancing.

Call me an OW (Old Woman), but the thought of downing shots no longer has the same appeal as it did in previous years. So when a group of friends sent out a mass email with the agenda for this year’s celebration, I gently declined. I felt like it was “time” for me to retire my St. Patty’s day green shirt.

Around lunchtime I noticed that the streets were filled with groups of people in green, roving the streets as if off to some party. Maybe it was the sight of these people, or the knowledge of where they were going, that brought out the reveler in me. When I got back to the office I emailed one of my friends and told her that I would be joining them. “Just ONE drink”, I told her. After all, I told my husband that I would be home by 8.

The night started off innocently enough, with us hanging out at the Royal Exchange having some drinks and chatting. I decided that I would look for an appropriate moment to make my exit after finishing my vodka tonic. However, I didn't even take a drink from my first cocktail when a friend comes back from the bar with some shots of tequila. After having a shot, I wanted to sit for a bit to digest the alcohol. But then, another round of shots mysteriously appears….

The next thing I know, I am in the North Beach area, sprinting to the 30 Stockton bus stop, all the while panicking that I may have missed my last BART train. After 10 minutes, I realized that I was not going to make my last train. Grudgingly, I call my husband and explain my predicament. I could tell by the tone in his voice that he was not pleased with my call. “Yeah, I’ll be there soon” were the last words he uttered under his breath before abruptly ending the call.

40 minutes later I see hubby’s car turning a corner. As I was getting into the car, he gives my girlfriends a big smile and waves. While we pull away, I look at him and smile. I was happy to see him. I hoped he felt just as glad to see me. Just as I was completing that thought, hubby turns to me and says

“I am not happy with being your little chauffer boy”

I hope everyone had a great St. Patty’s day.

Being adults

2006-03-13T10:21:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend Hubby and I took a second look at this house in the City.

This time around, we walked through the house slowly and carefully, scrupulously eyeing each room in detail. We had fallen in love with the house during last weekend’s open house, but now that real money may be at stake, we were far more judicious in our examination. Our feelings about the house vacillated from room to room. We loved the kitchen and the view, but were unsatisfied with the size of the bedrooms. Random thoughts and concerns started to fill my head. Are we ready for the additional financial commitment? Did we want to give up the extremely affordable mortgage payments associated with our current condo? Is it big enough to handle future additions to our household?

After much deliberation, both of us feel this is a step in the right direction. First marriage, then a house, and next kids (*gulp*).

Growing up is totally overrated.

To be or not be traditional

2006-03-09T16:40:00.000-08:00

Now that hubby and I are coming closer to perhaps finally adding a little one into our family, it inevitably leads to a question that I have been avoiding for 2.5 years.

Should I take on his last name?

I read somewhere that 60 to 80 percent of brides adopt their husband’s surname. The more traditional people that I know are horrified at the premise that I have kept my maiden name for so long, which I find ridiculous sometimes. Afterall, I am still the same person I was before I got married.

In my youth, there was no doubt in my mind that I would change my last name when I got married. But as time went on, and age set in, I have become more resistant to the concept. I have grown attached to my last name. It’s been with me through thin and thick, sorrows, hardships, and blissful times.

Changing my last name will mean giving up my identity in more ways than one. My surname has always been a major identifier in my life. It represents my racial heritage, and although I am an Asian American, my ethnicity played a major part in my development and effects how I view myself. People know what to expect even before they meet me in person. That will not be the case when I change my last name to Ferrer.

I dunno, perhaps I’ll wuss out and hyphenate both last names. That appears to be in vogue now a days.

4 boxes

2006-03-08T14:59:00.000-08:00

Over lunch, a co-worker of mine admits that he likes to place his colleagues into these four general categories.

The evil/smart ones are the scariest. I like to think I fall into the nice/smart category.

House hunting adventures

2006-03-07T15:59:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend Hubby and I visited some open houses in the City. We’ve been playing with the idea of returning to our beloved hometown for some time, but this is our first real step to translating the idea to reality. Given our price range, we can only really afford to live in certain parts of San Francisco. One of these areas is the Sunset district, a huge residential area located south of Golden Gate Park. The Sunset is largely made up of single family homes and has remained affordable because of its out of the way location and dreary weather.

The first house we stopped at in the Sunset was a freaking mess. The place was just dilapidated. The bathrooms and kitchen were dated and stained. The entire house smelled of mildew. Some of the wood beams that support the house were splintering and falling apart. The second home we saw in the same area wasn’t much better. And just imagine, both places had asking prices above $800K. Ridiculous!!

Aside from neglecting their homes, these homeowners are also slumlords. A common trend in San Francisco is for homeowners to convert part of the garage space into a separate living unit, called in-laws, and rent them out. These units are usually dark and small, providing living space for one, maybe two, individuals at most.

Both homes we looked at had these in-law units. In both homes, the in-laws appeared poorly constructed. The kitchen and bathroom were filthy and run-down. Clearly the conditions of the units were barely inhabitable. It broke my heart to see entire families, Asian immigrants, cramped into these tiny living quarters. And if my suspicion holds true, the current owners are Asian as well.

My mother would often tell me stories about the run-down apartments that my mom, dad, and sisters lived in when they first immigrated to the US. I was never able to truly appreciate those stories until this weekend.

Feeling....

2006-03-01T16:50:00.000-08:00

B-O-R-E-D

LALA Land

2006-02-27T11:26:00.000-08:00

View from my hotel room in Marina Del Rey

The Getty Museum

Getty Museum Garden Pic #1

Getty Museum Garden Pic #2

The hot babe I saw in Venice

Weekend High's:

- Attending our first “evite” wedding of a friend from our UCLA days.
- Finally visiting the Getty Museum.
- Eating, eating, eating.
- Sitting in a booth next to Josh Duhamel at a café in Venice.
- Seeing my buddy Aleese for the first time in 5 years.
- Driving by Harris Ranch and picking up some filets for dinner.

Weekend Low's:

- Being on the road for a total of 12 hours this weekend.
- LA traffic.
- LA smog.
- Not being able to visit the designer denim discount store in Alhambra.
- Long Catholic ceremony, all spoken in Armenian.
- A 5+ hour reception.
- Hubby getting trashed to entertain himself during reception.

Dirty old man

2006-02-23T10:12:00.000-08:00

One of the things I loathe about coming into work is the elevator ride. Unlike most office buildings in the City that have express elevators for those that work in the higher levels of the building, our system is antiquated, and those hapless individuals who work on the top floor, such as myself, need to ride with those that work on the 2 through 18 floors. It makes for some unpleasant mornings when I have to endure 10 stops before reaching my floor.

While getting into a crowded elevator this morning I managed to shimmy my way to the very back. Just as the doors were about to close an older man, who looked like an older, graying version of David Hasselhoff, managed to wrangle the doors open and shove himself in. Obviously unaware of where he was heading, he ended up pressing the buttons for the 11th and 12th floor before realizing that he should be heading to the 14th floor, causing some unhappiness among the other elevator riders. If that wasn’t enough, the gentleman pushes his way to the back, plotting a small area in the back corner of the elevator where I had already comfortably placed myself. Clearly this man has not built up goodwill with me, but making matters worse, I see him giving me the once over out of the corner of my eye. In the middle of the ride up, he turns to me and says “You are looking rather nice today sweetheart” in a lascivious tone that practically made me shiver. Pretending not to hear him, I increase the volume on my MP3 player and keep my eyes straight ahead, hoping that by ignoring him, the problem might go away.

The elevator ride to the 14th floor felt like it took FOREVER. As a parting gift, the older gentleman decides to give me another once over and a wink as he exits. Lovely….

What a great way to start a morning eh?

The small things in life

2006-02-22T11:46:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend I received an unusual call from a close male friend of mine (“Sam”). Sam, who is usually very cheerful and upbeat, sounded down and depressed. Although he was initially hesitant to discuss the cause of his glumness, Sam finally crumbled and admitted the true nature of his call. His girlfriend (“Kathy”) of 5.5 years finally called it quits. And let’s just say, the only person who didn’t see this coming was Sam himself.

In the beginning of their courtship, Sam pursued her with all his energy and vigor, showering her with attention and gifts. The first two years of their relationship was blissful. But then the honeymoon period ended, and the momentum in their relationship waned. Sam, who subsequently took on an extremely stressful job at a venture capital firm, stopped placing Kathy at the top of his priority list. Sam still managed to take care of Kathy in all the major ways that a boyfriend should. But absent from their relationship were the little things that once existed - the small gestures of love and tokens of appreciation. Their relationship evolved from passionate to perfunctory.

It wasn’t that Sam was loser. It wasn’t that Sam was an abusive boyfriend. To the contrary, Sam is a successful, witty, intelligent, and faithful individual. All of the shortcomings in their relationship were just small things…that unfortunately, accumulated over time.

***************************************************************************

Our latest staff meeting was quite spirited. The big issue that riled up the troops wasn’t our salaries, benefits, or working conditions, but the growing lack of appreciation from the partners in our firm. It wasn’t as though we wanted the partners to reward us with huge bonus checks after a job was well done. All we wanted was some acknowledgement to our efforts. The recognition could come in small forms, such as a nice lunch, or perhaps even just a “thank you”. What we wanted was to know that we mattered.

Afterwards a partner pulled me aside to elaborate on what was discussed in the staff meeting. When I tried to convey the reason behind the staff’s dissatisfaction, it was apparent that the message was lost on the partner. “But don’t we pay you a decent salary? Don’t we give you great benefits? What does a simple ‘thank you’ do for you?” was all she kept saying.

*********************************************************************************

A couple of nights ago, hubby and I got into another heated fight. The cause of the argument? Was whether we should keep our rice cooker in the kitchen or if we should move it into the storage area outside. He didn’t understand why I wanted to move it to storage and suggested that perhaps we should keep it in the kitchen. I, who had already made up my mind on the issue, stated very bluntly that it would just give us more room in the kitchen. Out of nowhere hubby stomped off upstairs in a fit.

After much screaming and tears, I discovered that his problem wasn’t really the placement of the rice cooker, but the manner in which I dismissed his suggestion. Even though the matter was relatively insignificant, he wanted to know that he was being heard. He wanted to know that his opinion mattered.

Whoever came up with the phrase that the devil is in the details sure got it right. Just because something is small doesn’t mean it’s unimportant. The tiniest acts of consideration, kindness, and love, can go a long way.

Weekend update

2006-02-21T12:56:00.000-08:00

Friday

Hubby and I started off the weekend activities with a birthday dinner for Matt and Sonny at Balboa Café, another one of Gavin Newsom’s chain of restaurants. The restaurant reminded me of a pub one would find in some local college town. Most of patrons looked like they were former sorority girls or fraternity boys who were still trying to live in that “college” mentality. Hmm, wait, I think that description aptly portrays all of the Marina denizens. (I am indulging in some hyperbole, but I have developed a distaste for the Marina over the years...)

The birthday gathering was nice and intimate, with just Matt, Sonny, Hoa, hubby and I in attendance. The food at Balboa was better than all of us had expected. Hubby had the burger (made famous after being featured in Bay Area Backroads) and I had the pork chop accompanied by spinach and a sweet potato puree. Both dishes were scrumptious. Matt, Sonny and Hoa were all satisfied with their selections as well.

After dinner we wandered into a local Hawaiian dive bar called Mauna Loa. Once again, most of the customers looked like your quintessential yuppie types. It seemed as though everybody in the bar knew each. Although the environment was slightly on the high schoolish side, the people watching was fabulous. Around 11:30 we all started letting out some yawns and decided to call it a night. Even a bar full of attractive yuppies couldn’t energize us….

Saturday

Hubby and I finally had our belated V-Day dinner at Postrio. From the outside, the restaurant looked small and dainty. We were both surprised when the hostess took us down three flights of stairs to a huge main dining area. Unlike last night’s dinner, most of the patrons at Postrio were quite a bit older than us. I always feel a bit awkward and out of place when walking into these types of upscale eateries because hubby and I are usually the youngest diners, and since we’re lucky enough to be blessed with the youthful Asian gene, it makes us look like mere children when compared to the rest of the crowd.

Turing to the food, oh my god, it was delectable! Hubby started off with a trio of foie gras, which looked rich and fatty. For our entrees, Hubby opted for the venison wrapped in bacon that came with brioche-black cherry stuffing and a chestnut puree. I decided to go with the free range chicken, accompanied by a butternut squash with toasted pecans. We paired our dinner with a half bottle of 2002 Stag’s Leap Cabernet Sauvignon. Overall, we were pleased with the entire dining experience. The restaurant is definite repeat.

Sunday

After being informed about a blow-out designer sample jean sale at Fort Mason from a girlfriend of mine, we woke up extra early and headed to the City to check out the sale. Since the sale started at 10 am, we thought that we’d play it safe and get to the Fort at 9:30. It appeared that I grossly underestimated the situation because when we got there, the line had already snaked around the corner of the building! It appears that getting designer jeans on the cheap is a popular idea among many women. Standing in line provided us with another great people watching experience. Every so often, there would be a new wave of arriving girls, all donning their designer jeans and handbags. The girls came in all ages, shapes, and sizes, but the attire was very similar – some cute, trendy top and some brand of designer jeans. The look of shock on their faces when they see the length of the line was priceless. After an excruciating 2 hour wait in line, we decided to call it a day and headed to lunch with the in-laws.

After lunch hubby and I cruised through some open houses in Burlingame. Whoever said the real estate market is heading towards a slump must have excluded Burlingame from this statement because the prices remain ridiculous out there. For instance, this is what a million can get you in a mediocre part of that city.

A 1300 square feet, purple shack.

The aftermath

2006-02-15T10:04:00.000-08:00

Hubby and I got into a terrible fight last night…and then I walk into my office this morning to find wilting roses…..how fitting

Perspectives on love

2006-02-14T16:47:00.000-08:00

Found this in an article on sfgate.com...thought you readers would find it entertaining...

I. The Prelude to Love Is Longing ... and Plotting.

"What I need is a man who will let me henpeck him.'' (Woman overheard on Martin Luther King Boulevard in Berkeley by Ann Erickson.)

"Remember, girls love eye patches and scars.'' (High school freshman boy giving advice to 11-year-old, overhead on the 38L Geary by Marcus Loy.)

"If I was a dude, I'd date me.'' (Young woman to man, overheard on ski lift at Heavenly Valley by Rachel Tiley.)

"The only time I really miss having a man in my life is garbage night.'' (Overheard at the Civic Center courthouse last Valentine's day by Lewis Gillian.)

II. Linking Up Is Hard to Do.

"He does know you're a lesbian, right?'' (Woman to woman, overheard in front of Macy's in San Francisco by Diane Brauch.)

"I was looking for someone for just a really good time, but then I peeked at his iTunes playlist. He'd be serious baggage.'' (One woman to another overheard in Marin County by Capt. Steve Stevens.)

"I think you're very pretty and we could have beautiful children. And I won't stalk you when you break up with me.'' (Young man to young woman, overheard in the Financial District by The Chronicle's Pat Yollin.)

"He asked if I wanted to go back to his place. That's the same as the old-fashioned 'do you want to go for a cup of coffee?' '' (One young woman to another, overheard on the N Judah by The Chronicle's Heather Maddan.)

"So we went back to my place. Guess who passed out again? Yep, me.'' (Young woman on cell phone in Palo Alto, overheard by Craig Stark.)

III. The Ship of Love Is Launched.

"Does he have a pumice?'' (Woman to woman, overheard at the Gardener in Berkeley by Marshal Brewster.)

"The only thing is, his hair is kind of weird.'' (Woman to companion, overheard at the corner of Sutter and Stockton by Michael Mahoney.)

"There won't be a second date. That girl ate way too may noodles.'' (Man to man outside Union Bank on California, overheard by Catherine Luciano.)

"Well, he doesn't usually take off his boxers, so it probably wasn't him.'' (Woman in a San Francisco stationery store, overheard by Danielle Simpson.)

"When I'm in love I gain weight, like 3 or 4 pounds. So we have to be careful.'' (Woman to man with whom she is apparently contemplating a relationship, overheard at a Union Street restaurant by Nancy Hickman.)

"She's gross. He's gross. They're both gross. It's a good couple.'' (Young woman to a young woman friend, overheard at lunch at the Blue Plate restaurant in Reno by Anne Williams.)

IV. The Voyage Progresses, But Turbulence Is Noted.

"There was the standard drinking and flirting and ... a week or so later I was taking antibiotics.'' (One man to another, overheard on Post Street by Michael Smith.)

"Yes, I watch hardcore porn. Is that a problem?'' (Young woman on cell phone, overheard at the Gardener by Eryn Alana Leavens.)

"The date wasn't going well anyway. Then I look down and see she's wearing a (darned) toe ring.'' (One suited-and-tied man to another, overheard on Clay Street by Catherine Luciano.)

"I didn't realize you only liked me when you're drunk.'' (Man on cell phone at Van Ness and McAllister, overheard by Roy Francies.)

"She loves having sex in the morning, but she doesn't have a brain in her head.'' (Gentleman on the Larkspur ferry, overheard by Bob Ivory.)

"I love you, but your credit's not that good.'' (Man on cell phone, overheard at the Sausalito Art Fair.)

V. To Relate or Not to Relate, That Is the Question.

"I don't understand how the bastard could marry outside of (his) political persuasion.'' (Woman to male companion, overheard at Fourth and King by The Chronicle's Terry Robertson.)

"I said I love you and think I want to spend my life with you, but right now I'm in Safeway and I can't find anything, so I'll call you later.'' (Older man on cell phone, overheard at Safeway at Jackson and Davis by Luciano.)

VI. Yes, Yes, Yes. Probably.

"I think he married the first nonhooker he met.'' (Man on cell phone, overheard on BART by Alex Marmur.)

"This is the perfect wedding ring. It fits just great under my cycling gloves.'' (Newlywed Sophika Kostyniuk at Gulf of the Farallones National Marine Sanctuary offices, overheard by Mary Jane Schramm.)

"She always marries the wrong man, but she does divorce so well.'' (Man to woman over dinner at Insalata's in San Anselmo, overheard by Sally Shepard.)

VII. We Regret to Inform You.

"It didn't work out because a) he's 39 years old, b) it was Friday night, c) his mom was with him.'' (Woman to co-workers, overheard at Togo's in Emeryville by Dana Fong.)

"As soon as she gets out of bed to go to the bathroom, I'm out of there. I don't want to get stabbed by some guy with a knife.'' (Gentleman -- well, maybe not -- at Chili's in Terra Linda, overheard by Laura Bradley and her family.)

"If you think you've got to call the cops when you're going to break up with her, I'd say it's time to take a look at your relationship.'' (Young man to another, overheard in the elevator of a North Bay hospital by Barbara Jonas.)

"First wives are difficult.'' (Overheard at breakfast at the Video Cafe on Geary by Mac McGinnes.)

"She is my second wife. I'm actually much closer to my first wife, though. We've exchanged gunfire.'' (Man at Mel's in downtown Berkeley, overheard by Wes Haley.)

"Maybe my second wife wasn't so bad after all.'' (Nostalgia for the good old days, overheard at United Market in San Rafael by Stuart H. Brown.)

"She left me. Now I'm dating our goldfish.'' (Man to pal, overheard at the Tuesday Farmers' Market in Berkeley by Nancy Pietrafesa.)

VIII. Lessons to Be Learned Today.

"I picked up a bottle of wine and got home about five minutes after her. But she was totally surprised, so that was good.'' (Man on cell phone, along the Ohlone Greenway in Berkeley, overheard the day after Valentine's Day last year by Robert Menzimer.)

"I need two exactly the same, so that when I talk to each of them, I'll be able to keep it straight.'' (Man purchasing Valentines in Kard Zone in the Castro, overheard by Jeff Stryker.)

IX. Whatever.

"He can't be that gay, he got me pregnant.'' (Woman to woman, overheard at UC Berkeley by Karl Leonard.)

Even though I told him not to...

2006-02-14T14:47:00.000-08:00

hubby still got me flowers.....

Fun in Tahoe

2006-02-14T13:44:00.000-08:00

Scars from my weekend. Ouch!!!

This past weekend was spent up in Tahoe with my hubby and 3 other gal pals. We all drove up Saturday at the crack of dawn with the hopes of lots of fun and good snow.

The weather was remarkably warm. Hubby and I didn’t bother wearing our jackets when we were on the slopes. And even with just a tee shirt on, I was sweating up a storm. It has been close to 2 years since I have been on a snowboard, and boy did it show. I forgot how physically rigorous snowboarding can be.

I really loved watching the kids on the slopes. Northstar would give out these hula-hoop looking things that served as a leash for parents to use while teaching their kids to ski. It was a humorous sight to see the kids trapped in these contraptions as the parents steered them left and right. Another adorable sight was watching a train of kids learning to ski in kiddy ski school. SO CUTE!

Gina was gracious enough to allow us to stay in her parent’s cabin free of charge. The girls and I spent the evening watching TiVo and just chatting. I’ve discovered over the years that when you get a group of girls together, the conversation can digress to the most random topics. For instance, we had an intense debate regarding what kind of cows (black and white or brown) produce the milk one would find at the grocery store. Yeah, really intellectually stimulating stuff here! Nonetheless, it provided for another great bonding experience.

The only real downer for the weekend was the drive back, which took over 6 hours. We were hitting the brakes practically the entire drive back home. The lesson we’ve learned for our next trip to Tahoe – either leave REAL early or late.

The Pity Game

2006-02-10T10:40:00.000-08:00

I have noticed that I have been feeling down and depressed lately. My melancholy state is stems from a combination of things – feeling of stagnation in every aspect of my life from my uninspiring job, to uncertainties regarding our housing situation (where we’re going to live in the future, how we’re going to afford a bigger house in this crazy real estate market), to our abilities to financially support future offspring and feeling like we can never afford kids. Maybe I am over thinking and being too contemplative. I still have memories of how my mom would work herself into a state of frenzy because of her bad habit of over analyzing everything. Perhaps it’s genetic.

***************************************************************

Monday night I had dinner with a former co-worker of mine, Geraldine. In a way, she was an informal mentor. Funny, extremely smart, down to earth, and perceptive. She was always such a go-getter, striving for excellence in every way. All of this is before she became “a mommy”. She’s still fabulous in all of the ways mentioned, but motherhood comes first, her career second.

Geraldine had the unfortunately luck of meeting me after a frustrating day at work. I spent a good portion of the evening unloading my problems, all the while she sat quietly nodding at every statement. At the end of my tirade, there was a momentary silence. Never the one to mince words, she breaks the silence by commenting, “City Girl, self pity does not suit you.”

She’s right. I do not want to play the pity game. I do not want to be one of those pathetic individuals who walks around with baggage they claim has been imposed on them by others. I am in the driver’s seat when it comes to my life. MY LIFE. I am totally empowered to change the things that create unhappiness in my life.

I am determined to dig myself out of this hole I have created.

Self important people are annoying

2006-02-08T13:01:00.000-08:00

While at a cocktail party thrown by one of my co-workers this weekend, a fellow guest provided the following opinion that I found extremely poignant. “You never really leave high school. Instead, high school follows you to throughout life, including to work.” How right this woman is. The back stabbing, gossiping, clichés, are elements that exist well past high school. And to be honest with you, sometimes I partake in some of this juvenile behavior. Maybe that is why I love teenybopper shows such as Laguna Beach. Part of me hasn’t grown outside of this high school mentality.

Another element of high school that continues to haunt me today is competition. Just like in high school when girls would compete over who was more attractive or popular, competition at work is a slight variation of this frame of mind. Instead, in the work force, you compete over who is more intelligent and competent. Instead of donning on your best threads to garner votes in your favor, in the workforce, you are expected to struggle for the spotlight by performing a dog and pony show for those that matter.

There is a co-worker of mine that I absolutely cannot tolerate. He is a total ass kisser, aggressively competitive, disgustingly self-serving. For some unknown reason, he finds a need to compare himself to me. By nature, I am not an extremely competitive, however, under the right circumstances and pushed the right way, I can be an utter bitch. Did I mention this person is also the oldest son of the president of my company? Yeah, it does not bode well for me, hence, part of the reason why I am so unhappy in my current job.

Another annoying trait of this person that shall be referred to hereon as Brown Noser is his habit of dropping extraneous information into a conversation. It could be things like where he’s been, what he is doing, what he knows, or who he knows. Regardless of what it is, the information is often unnecessary and given solely with the intention of sounding important.

For instance, I could be discussing dinner plans that I have for the evening and he’ll find it necessary to mention “the hot new” restaurant he recently went to with his wife. Or when we discuss the latest cases we’ve been assigned to, he’ll find a way to minimize my caseload by mentioning how much larger, complex, or more prestigious, his cases are. There came a point where he found a need to disparage my Seven jeans by stating that they were so commercialized, only lemmings would find a need to purchase them (I came to discover that he too owns a pair of Sevens..what a hypocrite!).

I have a huge distaste for people like Brown Noser. Under normal circumstances, I would find a way to deflate their over inflated egos. But, since I still need my job, that is not a luxury I can afford at the moment.

God, I need to give my headhunter a call….

2006-02-04T17:08:00.000-08:00

Obligations

I just got back from lunch with my two bridesmaids. Yes, they are the same people I have complained about at length in my previous posts. We were all on our best behavior today, and the lunch conversation was relatively pleasant, albeit superficial. I’ve come to accept the fact that I am very different from them now, and we have little in common aside from our extensive history. But I still feel some need to maintain a friendship with them. I think it’s the same obligation one feels towards an annoying relative.

Intoxicating

I absolutely LOVE the wine class I’ve been taking at City College. I never knew there were so many nuances to wine knowledge. Before this class, wine was either just red or white. But now, wine is about variety, age, fermentation method, and terrior (a French word for the soil and weather conditions that the grapes were cultivated in). Did you know you are not supposed to use soap to wash your wine glasses? God, I am such a wine novice.

My remaining weekend plans

Tomorrow will be spent doing a little work in front of the television, while watching the Super Bowl. I can’t wait for the commercials!

Infatuation

2006-01-31T11:42:00.000-08:00

Several years ago, while my husband (before he became my husband) was working at his previous employer in Cupertino, he professed a “fascination” he had with one of the admins. I had met his “crush” before at various company functions, and admittedly, did not see anything remarkable about her. She wasn’t too tall, too short, too pretty, too ugly, too loud, too quiet. She was just, well…average. Was I offended? Slightly, because if my then-boyfriend was going to form an attraction to another woman, it would be more of an ego booster to me if she was fricken hot.

But I digress. While many women I know would be seething if they discovered that their man was coveting another female, I was really only bothered about his seemingly low standards in women. You see, I think it’s quite natural for people to form an attraction to other people, regardless of their relationship status. Sometimes the attraction is purely physical. In the case of my husband, he felt an emotional bond with his crush. Whatever serves as the catalyst behind the infatuation, attraction is about forming connections with other people. And in a world where one is constantly interfacing with a myriad of people, it’s only natural that you are going to meet a one or two that you really click with. To me, the real cheating occurs when you ACT on your attraction, without the consent of your significant other.

Personally, I think innocent crushes are fun. They make an otherwise mundane day interesting. They transcend any sort of reality.

Here is a list of past and current secret crushes:

1. Gavin Newsom. Current crush. I admit, when we ate at Jack Falstaff (which is owned by Gavin) last week, I was scouring the premises for a potential hottie mayor sighting. Because of his fastidious grooming habits, some of my friends think that he could be gay. I like to think that he is just very metro sexual. It would be a shame if the gay rumors turn out to be true.

2. Tom Cruise. A PAST crush, by all means. He was so cute in Risky Business. I have a thing for baby faces, and boy, did he have an adorable one at the beginning of his career. But then he got really weird, and his appeal just went downhill.

3.Lance “something”. Past crush. Obviously, he was a frivolous crush since I do not remember his last name. But he was my engagement senior/supervisor during my audit days. Tall, brunette, baby faced, and very MARRIED. He was 26, a practicing Mormon, and had four kids at the time. Didn’t know too much about him aside from the fact that he was good looking, intelligent, and very well spoken, and obviously very virile.

The Year of the Dog

2006-01-30T13:04:00.000-08:00

Friday

Had dinner with Hoa, Judy, Deanna, Linh, Tony, Sonny, and hubby at La Suite. The gathering was a belated b-day dinner. Is it just me, or do these b-day celebrations drag on for weeks! I was a little leery of the potential portion size of this restaurant, since the owners of La Suite are the same ones that own Baraka, the French Mediterranean restaurant we ate at two weeks back. Fortunately, the entire party came away satisfied with both the quality and quantity of food.

Saturday

Spent the better part of the afternoon vigorously cleaning in preparation for Chinese New Year. All that cleaning is making me consider the prospect of hiring a maid, because even though I have high standards of cleanliness, I LOATH housekeeping duties.

Sunday

Had dim sum with my family. As usual, the event was filled with lots of confusion, nagging, and bickering among the family members. The family gathering started off with a trip to a dim sum place in the Richmond district that was highly preferred by my mom. Unfortunately, the place was also favored by many others and the wait for a table was an hour long. Out of hunger and desperation, our family decided to try the new dim sum place across the street. Immediately upon sitting down, my mom refuses to place an order for dim sum because she is “skeptical” about the caliber of the food. After much coaxing and cajoling from my sisters, my mom finally picks up the menu and begrudgingly places an order. Even then, my mom wouldn’t let up, critically scanning the food sitting on the surrouding tables. “The food doesn’t look too good”, was all she kept saying in Chinese. My lucky husband, who does not understand a lick of Chinese, was the only family member spared from the agony of my stubborn mom.

On that note….Gung Hay Fat Choy

Career Moves

2006-01-26T12:24:00.000-08:00

Morning Jitters

While talking to a headhunter today at work about prospective employers, my heart begin to race uncontrollably. Even though I have been whining and b*tching about the problems I have with my current employer, even though I have DREAMED of leaving this god forsaken establishment since the first day I started, change is a scary thing. I guess getting these jitters is a little premature considering I am only at the beginning of my job search, nonetheless, I had a hard time willing down the butterflies in my stomach this morning.

Glass Ceiling

I am a “financial sleuth”. What does that mean you ask? I work in a very specialized field of accounting/finance that involves assisting lawyers in cases that have a financial and/or accounting aspect. Usually the cases are relatively high profile, securities litigation class action lawsuits that are on the pages of Wall Street or Business Week. The end goal of our work is to provide testimony in court supporting the opinions of the lawyers that employ us. It’s all very Law and Order-ish.

Sounds very exciting doesn’t it? NOT!!

The other day I came to the epiphany that I will never be successful in this field because:

I am a woman.
I am Asian.

People do not take me seriously. Partners in my firm like to refer to me as “little girl”. Lawyers look at me and ask, “if I plan on testifying one day when I grow up.” Umm, like hello, I am a 32 year old professional with over 9 years of work experience! I am not some fragile “China Doll” that needs to be handled with kid gloves. So what if I was the brains behind most of the brilliant ideas developed for your case. They can never see past my feminine, youthful appearance and give me the respect I deserve. The respect that comes so easy for my white, male counterparts.

My glass ceiling issues are only exacerbated by my ethnicity. Since part of my success is dependent on my ability to be perceived well on the stand, external appearances are crucial. And we have cases all over US. And let’s face it, most of middle America is very racists. Placing me on the stand in a court that’s based in, let’s say, somewhere in the middle of Arkansas, may be more of a disservice to the lawyers that hired me.

As you can tell, I am in the middle of a career crisis. I am stuck in a profession that will be impossible for me to succeed in, terrified that I will make another misstep with my next career move, and lost as to what I want to do next.

Break from the norm

2006-01-25T17:10:00.000-08:00

Usually my days are so packed with tasks and projects that need attending to that I hardly have time to grab lunch, let alone have a proper one hour meal. So when a co-worker broached the idea of visiting a restaurant that was in the Dine About Town program, everybody moaned that it would be impossible to do. But for some reason, today a large group of us felt a need to take a break from regular eat-at-your-desk lunch routine. With a desire for a real meal, my co-workers and I hailed a cab and headed to Jack Falstaff.

The inner décor was very sleek and modern. The walls of the dining room were padded (giving an insane asylum feel) and covered with green colored suede. The food wasn’t bad, although I prefer the sister restaurant PlumpJack Café.

The one thing that wasn’t mediocre was our conversation during lunch. We spent the better part of it laughing away as stuffy business professionals looked on quizzically. Without any of our partners (our bosses) in attendance, we felt free to have immature conversations about annoying people in our office, websites we like to surf while pretending to work, and other topics not deemed appropriate for a “serious professional setting” like ours. God, sometimes keeping up a professional front can be exhausting.

After lunch some of the girls took a quick shopping detour at Jeremy’s. While I was hoping to find some heavily discounted designer couture, it was my friend H who came away the big winner, purchasing a fitted, brown speckled Theory blazer, a pair of deep blue Lucky jeans, and a pair of Manolo Blahnik black pumps.

So I'll probably be here till 8 paying the price for my 2 hour lunch. *sigh* Why can’t I just win the lotto?

Going Broke

2006-01-22T14:48:00.000-08:00

Left incapacitated due to my illness, I spent most of the weekend:

Watching disc 1 & 2 of “24”. Oh my, this show is truly addictive.
Researching new cars for the hubby to buy. Narrowed it down to an Infiniti G35.
Researching vacation spots. Decided that we will be traveling to Honolulu in May and Japan and China in October.
Shopping, shopping, shopping – New necklace from Tiffany’s, new jeans from Saks, new sweater from Banana Republic.

It seems that being sick hasn’t been too good for my bank account. Luckily, for me and my wallet, I am feeling much better today.

The First of 2006

2006-01-21T11:40:00.000-08:00

My first major flu of 2006....boy do I feel bad!

Ode to the 30 Something Woman

2006-01-20T14:32:00.000-08:00

This post is meant to extoll the virtues of growing older......

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While having lunch with a single gal pal the other day, we invariably wonder onto the topic of her dating life.

City Gal: “How’s the dating scene going?”

Gal Pal: *stops eating and develops a look of dismay* “You know, it seems as though the older I get, the harder it is for me to meet someone. I've reached the age where men I find attractive choose not to date women like me.”

Although I couldn’t sympathize with her, I could more than empathize. Women my age are competing against women in their 20's. And let’s face it, women in their 20’s tend to be more energetic, less set in their ways, and MUCH more naïve.

While grabbing lunch in the financial district the other day, I ran into a former co-worker of mine. Currently a Senior Director at an international consulting firm, he is in his mid 30’s, very bright, extremely successful, and relatively good looking. He’s the kind of man most women would find a prize catch. By his side was a very young looking girl who couldn’t be more than in her mid 20’s. While introducing us, I come to discover that she’s a staff person in another division, and therefore, IS in her mid 20’s.

If I were single, I couldn't turn around and do the same thing without a tremendous amount of snickering. And that’s the double standard that us women live by. If I went trolling for men at the local Universities, I would get a whole lot of ridicule. If a man my age were to do the same thing, he would get a high five

At a recent happy hour, I took an informal survey of my guy friends asking them to relay their thoughts as to the significant difference between 20 something women and 30 something women. The following were some of the more common opinions:

30 something women are more bitter.
30 something women are angrier.
30 something women have higher expectations.

Yet, among the mounds of negative stereotypes some men have of older women, there were men out there who were able to recognize the many positives of dating a more established woman.

30 something women are at the PRIME of their sexual peak. Thus, they are animals in the sack.
30 something women are more independent and confident. In many ways, they are less high maintenance and do not need constant affirmation of their worth.
30 something women don’t play games, because they don’t have the time and energy to waste on silly things like that.

As my good friend H so eloquently puts it, “I’ll take a 30 something woman over an insecure 20 something any day. Older women aren’t hung up on their insecurities, know what they want, and aren’t afraid to express their feelings. Plus, they are awesome in bed.”

Today

2006-01-18T09:44:00.000-08:00

is my b-day. Happy 32nd to me....now let me hide under a rock.

Dining all around town....

2006-01-17T16:56:00.000-08:00

Some snippets from the weekend

Friday

After work Hubby and I headed over to Potrero Hill to meet up with some friends for my b-day dinner. I was amazed at the selection of fine restaurants and boutiques that that have opened up in the Potrero Hill area, although it still has remnants of its rougher past. While the group was outside waiting for our table, a homeless man came up to one of our friends and shoved him in the back! Aside from that, I do see myself returning to the neighborhood to try some of the other restaurants. Hubby and I were salivating when a waiter from Chez Papa walked by with a tray of food for a group of patrons sitting in a table along the sidewalk. I made a mental note to include Chez Papa on my list of future restaurants I must visit.

We had dinner at Baraka, a French-Moroccan place established by the same people who own Chez Papa, Chez Mama, Ploufs and La Suite. Everyone’s overall assessment of the food at Baraka is that the quality of the food is above average, but the portions are skimpy.

After dinner we headed to Circolo for some cocktails. The age of our group was truly starting to show at that point. We got to the restaurant at approximately 11:30, but everyone seemed like they were ready to sleep. Fortunately, we developed our second wind shortly after consuming some cocktails and stayed till 1:30.

Saturday

Hubby and I meet up with some friends for a night of feasting and laughing. The evening started off with a dinner at Alfred’s. Being the cost conscious adults that we are, everyone in the party ordered a selection from the Dine About Town menu. Usually I am skeptical about ordering from the menu designated for DAT, but Alfred’s proved me wrong. I ordered the filet mignon and it was just tender, flavorful, and prepared just the right way. Some people in our party ordered the short ribs or lamb shank and were just as satisfied with their meals. Most of us were so full we couldn’t finish our entrees.

After the meal we headed over to the Warfield to watch Russell Peters, a comedian of Indian descent. He has been gaining popular with rapidity in the last year and is best known for jokes that explore attitudes and stereotypes of Asians. His material is very understandable and relatable to most Asians, but most importantly, he’s hilarious. I had developed a side cramp by the end of his show because I was laughing so hard throughout the entire hour.

Sunday

Hubby and I meet up with the in-laws for brunch at the Rotunda located within Neiman Marcus. Their brunch menu is extensive and a little bit on the pricey side, which is no surprise since most of the patrons eating along side us had at least one to two Neiman Marcus shopping bags sitting by their table. I got a chance to become reacquainted with Hubby’s uncle, aunt and cousins from Australia. I had not seen them in over 7 years. Hubby’s little girl cousin is just adorable; She’s cute, sweet, and most importantly, well behaved. Almost makes me want one now…….

As I was typing this, I realized how I have been pigging out over the weekend! I must drop by the gym tonight, as I have another dinner planned at the Supperclub tomorro

The Outsider

2006-01-14T17:28:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, I found myself working with a group of eight fabulous girls. Some of us were single, some of us were dating, but we all liked to have a good time. Our weekends were often filled with jaunts to bars and clubs. We were young, wild, and constantly searching for a good time. In our circle of friends, I was often thought of as part of the “core”. At the helm of every event, I was the ringleader of our escapades.

Fastfoward 7 years later. Although we no longer work together, things have remained largely the same. Some of the girls have gotten married and moved out of the Bay Area, but the girls that remain are still either single or no where near marriage. They still have a taste for the nightlife. But there is one critical change to the dynamics of the group that has grown increasingly obvious to me since getting married – I am no longer a “core member” of the group. This fact was glaringly apparent yesterday while having dinner with these girls. I sat silent as they laughed and recounted their recent funny drunken outings at the bars and dance clubs. No longer apart of their regular social routine, I found myself on the outside looking in.

While watching re-runs of SATC last week, one of the episodes I caught was one where Samantha vigorously hails a cab for Miranda and her crying baby. As the cab pulls away, Miranda looks out at the girls as they continue on their merry way with their plans. (“Anchors Away”, Season Five). When this episode originally aired, I thought nothing of it. However, elements of that episode now resonate with me. The sadness in Miranda’s eyes, the feelings and fears of being an outsider. The change in Miranda’s situation created a wedge between her and the girls.

Even though my relationship and interactions have changed substantially with these girls, I believe that I will continue to have friendships with all of these women for the remainder of my life. In the later episodes of SATC, Miranda finds a way to remain apart of the group regardless of the signficant changes in her life. I hope to find that way too.

Addicted to Relationships

2006-01-10T14:46:00.000-08:00

Sometime around the summer of last year, I was talking to a girlfriend of mine, who will be referred to as “Gal Pal”, who was having some major problems with her boyfriend, who will be referred to as “Druggy”. Her beau was heavily into drugs and partying. He was working as a waiter to hold him over as he found himself. He was immature and selfish. Our conversations were usually peppered with complaints over his juvenile behavior. Over drinks, Gal Pal confided that she was tired of his ways and knew that he was not “husband material”. She went on to state that at 31, she was tired of watching all of her other girlfriends in steady relationships/getting hitched and that she was ready to find someone who could be her soul mate. Gal Pal was resolved at moving on with her life. The next day, she ended the relationship. As a friend who didn’t really approve of Druggy, I found relief in her decision.

Druggy eventually wheedled his way back into Gal Pal’s life, and three weeks later, they were back together. While conveying the latest news to me, she used words like “we’ll see…maybe he’ll change…just one more try…it’s been so lonely without him” Although forgiving, she seemed to be treating the relationship with proper caution and reserve. As a friend, I bit my tongue and put on a big smile.

Two months later, they broke up again. This time, she refused to tell me what behavior instigated the break up, because in her words, “what he did was SO bad I would for sure tell her to cease all communications with him.” Gal Pal seemed adamant about ending the relationship with this latest round of break ups. Despite the strong and determined veneer she put on, I sensed vulnerability.

One month later…well, you know how the story goes.

While I realize that for many a solo life can be a lonely life, and while the relationship may provide superficial comfort, how much better off is one when they remain in dead end relationships, or even worse, one that is destructive. It kills me when I see intelligent, beautiful women stuck in their current relationships because they fear the prospect of being alone.

Gal Pal is no longer with Druggy. She says it’s for good this time. For her sake, I hope so….

A new family member

2006-01-01T21:57:00.000-08:00

Hello, my name is Sui Mai, and I am the newest addition to mommy’s family. Before joining mommy’s family, I was sitting in a window display of a children’s clothing store. People would walk by and stare at me and my brothers and sisters. Sometimes, a little girl would run to the window and press her little chubby cheeks up against the glass, waving and pointing at us with excitement and glee. I get very excited when this happens, because I am hoping that this little person will eventually become my mommy. But invariably, these little girls end up being pulled away by their parents, and I remain in the cold, impersonal display, waiting to be adopted.

One cold, rainy day, a beautiful Chinese woman and her equally handsome husband are doing some after Christmas shopping, when she spots an adorable little piggy in a window display. Just like the other girls before her, the Chinese woman enthusiastically points to the little pink piggy with a deep longing. After much imploring, and with the use of the husband’s credit card, I was adopted.

Life here as been good so far. I spend most of my days lazing about in bed.

When I have had enough rest, I like to sit in front of the television. My favorite show so far is The Muppets. I think Miss Piggy is scorching hot.

I also like to take pictures and think that I am very photogenic. When I pose for the camera, mommy shakes her head and says “I am such a ham”.

2005 Reflections

2005-12-30T13:44:00.000-08:00

I believe that in order to embrace the new, it is important to release the old. With that statement being said, I have decided to reflect on the past year and wipe the slate clean of any bad feelings and negative memories that could haunt and hamper me in 2006. And for a girl like me, who has had a bad history of letting things go, this is an epic move on my part.

I will not hold grudges against people who have proved to be untrustworthy, unstable, or toxic. I will not harbor any ill will towards these individuals who have mistreated me. I will not cling on to the negative energy that these individuals have created in my life.

I will be more appreciative of those who have encouraged and supported me. I realize that I had gone through some significant changes in the past two years, and that during this period, some of my relationships may have suffered as a consequence. I recognize that some of my friendships have waned because of my inattentiveness. I will not cling onto the guilt I feel from being a bad friend, and instead, vow to become a better, more attentive, and more accessible friend.

I will make more of an effort to be patient and understanding with my parents. I realize that in the past, I frequently exhibited rebellious behavior just to spite them. Over the years, I distanced myself from them because I thought they were relentlessly trying to impose their beliefs on me. As I age, I have become more aware of their mortality. I now understand and appreciate the motives behind their pestering and nagging. I will not cling on to the guilt I feel from being a neglectful daughter.

When people are willing to accept their shortcomings and learn from their mistakes, they are often much stronger and wiser. I will learn from my mistakes in 2005, and hopefully, become a better person from the lessons learned.

Bringing in the New Year

2005-12-27T12:11:00.000-08:00

It’s 5 days till New Year’s eve and we have no firm plans yet for how we’ll be bringing in the new year. Had I found myself in this predicament in my younger years, I would be sitting here meticulously scouring the web for something to do, or calling everybody on my phone list, hoping they had some exciting options for me. New Year’s eve is allegedly the biggest nightlife event of the year. How uncool would it be for me to tell everybody that I shared the evening with my old friend Dick Clark?

I’ve done it all before in the past – clubs, bars, hotel galas. And I’ve discovered, regardless of the venue or type of bash you are at, all new years events have some common elements to them. It’s ungodly crowded, entrance fees are ridiculously overpriced, lines to get a drink are a nightmare, and you spend half the time looking for your pals. Let’s all admit it, going out during New Year’s Eve is generally proves to be more of a hassle than a ton of fun. Yet, year after year, I put myself through this painful ritual because it was the socially acceptable thing to do.

Secretly, I would much rather spend the evening in front of the TV watching a good movie, or spending a quiet evening with a small group of friends somewhere cozy and comfortable.

One of the great things about growing older is the fact that one usually develops a thicker skin when it comes to social pressures. So maybe this year I’ll break with tradition and just spend a quiet evening at home with the hubby, nestled in a warm blanket and a tasty bottle of wine, living vicariously through Dick Clark as he counts down to the new year at Times Square.

All I Want For Christmas

2005-12-26T14:25:00.000-08:00

**********************************************************

As in years past, hubby and I spent all Christmas day at family holiday gatherings. Hubby's family traditionally celebrates Christmas by having a lunchtime celebration. For the last 3 years, my sister-in-law J and her husband L have been hosting the soiree at their house in Belmont. This years gathering was a tad bit smaller than previous holiday gatherings, mainly because some of hubby’s relatives have relocated out of the Bay Area in the past year. One thing I have come to discover after marrying into a Pilipino family is that they love to have gigantic family get-togethers.

We usually look forward to meals at their place because they have the tendency of providing a huge buffet of chow. This year they went to a local Korean grocery store and ordered grilled chicken and beef marinated in hot chili sauce, fish cake marinated in chili sauce, grilled spinach, and jap chae(which is pan fried rice noodles, served with vegetables in a sesame oil sauce). J made a pear and walnut salad and L prepared prime rib from scratch.

Over the years I've discovered that L is an excellent chef. The prime rib was tender and juicy, prepared in a manner that was just as good as what one would find at some of the higher caliber steak houses in the City. Apparently L. had been up since 6 in the morning preparing the prime rib. Judging by how quickly the prime rib was consumed, I’d say his hard work was definitely appreciated by all.

One of hubby’s aunts is a Christmas baby, so one of the desert options was her birthday cake, which was a coffee flavored cake with bits of toffee crunch mixed in with the frosting. Because I am big coffee drinker, I was particularly fond of this desert. However, for those that didn’t care too much for the cake, there was a surplus of sweets purchased from Red Robbins, a local Pilipino bakery.

As in years past, hubby and I spent all Christmas day at family holiday gatherings. Hubby's family traditionally celebrates Christmas by having a lunchtime celebration. For the last 3 years, my sister-in-law J and her husband L have been hosting the soiree at their house in Belmont. They had about 35 people at this years gathering, which was a tad bit smaller than previous holiday gatherings. One thing I have come to discover after marrying into a Pilipino family is that they love to have gigantic family get-togethers.

We usually look forward to meals at their place because they have the tendency of providing a huge buffet of chow. This year they went to a local Korean grocery store and ordered grilled chicken and beef marinated in hot chili sauce, fish cake marinated in chili sauce, grilled spinach, and jap chae(which is pan fried rice noodles, served with vegetables in a sesame oil sauce). J made a pear and walnut salad and L prepared prime rib from scratch.

Over the years I've discovered that L is an excellent chef. The prime rib was tender and juicy, prepared in a manner that was just as good as what one would fine at some of the higher caliber steak houses in the City. Apparently L. had been up since 6 in the morning preparing the prime rib. Judging by how quickly the prime rib was consumed, I’d say his hard work was definitely appreciated by all.

One of hubby’s aunts is a Christmas baby, so one of the desert options was her birthday cake, which was a coffee flavored cake with bits of toffee crunch mixed in with the frosting. Because I am big coffee drinker, I was particularly fond of this desert. However, for those that didn’t care too much for the cake, there was a surplus of sweets purchased from Red Robbins, a local Pilipino bakery.

For dinner hubby and I drove up to the City to my sister’s place. My family celebrations are far more intimate than my hubby’s. Aside from my immediate family, the only other individuals present at dinner are my sister’s in-laws, who happen to live in the flat unit downstairs. I would blog about the great dinner that hubby and I had, but because my sister decided to have dinner an hour earlier than usual this year (and forgot to relay this message to me), we missed dinner. Nonetheless, I was able to spend time with the family, especially my 9-year-old niece and 6-year-old nephew.

The most common gift we received this year? The gift card, to Home Depot, Crate and Barrel, Bath and Body Work, Gap. I know that some people think that gift cards are impersonal, but I have found this to be far more convenient than having to trek to the stores the day after Christmas to make an exchange for what I really want. Honestly, what can be a better gift than convenience?

Santa's Here

2005-12-25T10:23:00.000-08:00

chimney
Originally uploaded by city_girl.

Happy holidays!

Ambitions for next year

2005-12-23T13:18:00.000-08:00

So here is the list of extracurricular activities I have planned for the upcoming months:

San Francisco Half Marathon – After participating in the SF half marathon in July, I’ve decided to put my body through the tortuous process for a second time on Superbowl Sunday (February 5th, 2006). Although the idea of running 13 miles seemed daunting initially, racing in the half marathon in July wasn’t as bad as I envisioned when I first signed up for the event. In fact, the amazing sense of accomplishment I felt the first time has inspired me to run another half marathon. Plus, this will serve as an excellent training ground for the full marathon in July, assuming I survive the upcoming half marathon with knees still fully intact.

Wine Classes – I love wine and over the years it has become my alcoholic drink of choice. However, I am a totally ignorant when it comes to the finer points of wine. So when a girlfriend of mine told me about an introductory wine course she signed up for at City College, I promptly found myself enrolling as well. It’s about time I expanded my knowledge of wines beyond “red or white”. Based on the course description, I will become knowledgeable about the different types of wines, grapes, vintages, and learn how to taste a wine, including swirling and sniffing techniques.

Volunteer at the Humane Society – I’ve been playing with this idea for a while, but I think I am actually going to follow through with it next year. I have always loved animals, and had my parents not had their way, I probably would have become a veterinarian. Although I never saw my dream career come to fruition, my love for animals still remains strong. It’s about time I funnel this passion into something productive.

When I told a girlfriend of mine about my desire to take on new hobbies she commented that it seemed as though I was going the extra mile to keep myself busy. That comment resonated with me for bit. I realize that life is basically about filling the void within, and people do this in different ways depending on where one is in life. When you’re single, you spend your time trying to find the right man. When you’re in a relationship, you spend your time getting to know your mate to determine if he’s a keeper. And when one is married, you are suppose to be spending your time tending to the needs of your child.

So what does a childless, married woman, who doesn’t anticipate having kids anytime soon, do? She does everything and anything she can to muffle the tick tock of her biological clock.

How I've been feeling lately

2005-12-20T18:12:00.000-08:00

Things that have made frustrated me recently:

Flakey friends. After several painful attempts at finding a weekend that would work for everybody in the group, we wind up canceling our holiday get together at the last moment. And this is after hubby and I spent most of our Saturday cleaning and scrubbing in preparation for the event. Now we’ve pushed off the gathering till next year, after the holidays, defeating the purpose of having a holiday party. Arg!!!

Things that have made me livid recently:

Being totally f*cked over at work. Finding out that the other managers were rewarded with bonuses that were 1/3 higher than the amount I received, even though I racked more chargeable hours than all of them. And then, being lied to by a partner who represented we received the same amounts. I am angry, because the partners either underestimated my resourcefulness and ability to glean information from my peers or overestimated my naive ness or stupidity. Whatever the case, I am tired of being stomped on, undervalued, and underestimated by these WASP old male farts that can’t see talent if it landed on their freakin laps! Yeah, I am worked up by this one……..

Things that have irritated me recently:

Shoppers. They’re swarming the malls in droves. They employ aggressive tactics when looking for parking. They carelessly peruse through the stores, absolutely oblivious to the fact that there are OTHER shoppers sharing a space with them as well. They drive me crazy!

Things that have made me happy recently:

Watching the Cirque du Soleil road show “Corteo” last Friday. Corteo is the newest production of Cirque du Soleil. It means “procession” in Italian, and the show’s main theme focuses on a procession for a clown’s funeral. The show follows the deceased clown as he begins his journey in the afterworld. The first part of the show was just spectacular. The use of angels floating in the air added to the mystical and magical element of the show. I particularly liked some of the acrobatic acts, such as the acrobats that spun around inside human sized metal hula hoops. My hubby enjoyed the numbers with trampolines, and jugglers.

Things that I am grateful for:

My health, my husband, my family, my friends (when they aren’t being flakey) – both real and virtual. Despite how dismal things may get, I always have a solid support system to fall back on, and that I am eternally grateful for.

Dear Santa

2005-12-19T13:41:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa,

How are you? I hope you and Mrs. Claus have had a wonderful year in the North Pole.
I'm not sure this letter will get to you in time as I know this is one of your busiest weeks of the year. Just remember, the 26th is only around the corner, and in only a matter of days, you and Mrs. Claus will be somewhere else besides the North Pole sipping tropical drinks

As I get older, it gets harder and harder to think of things I'd be excited to open. Usually the items that make it onto my Xmas list are small luxury items that I eventually purchase myself, like an LV bag, bottle of perfume, a cashmere sweater. This year, I'm sending you my biggest wish list ever. Of course, as people who know me can attest to, I am a very reasonable person, and do not expect you to fulfill every wish on my list. However, I do promise extra treats will be provided in front of the fireplace, if that helps….

City Gal’s Xmas List:

1. A cat. Or at least, the ability to have one without a whole lot of sneezing and wheezing on my part. Preferably, I would like a cute, well behaved, low maintenance dog (that can practically take care of itself). But hey, like I said before, I am a reasonable person….

2. A trip. I know, hubby and I already have a tentative one planned for China and Japan, but I would also like to squeeze a couple of other quick jaunts in to any of the following locations: Hawaii (never been, so any island would be fine), Costa Rica, Australia, Prague.

3. Tivo, so that my hubby and I may remain in martial bliss.

4. Sex and the City DVD, all six seasons. These girls ROCK. Plus, my hubby is absolutely tired of watching syndicated re-runs of it with me on TV. This wil also allow hubby and I to maintain a friction free marriage.

5. Housekeeping services. I am a clean freak, and would love it if you could somehow drop the names of a reliable, hardworking, and affordable person, who will not rob me blind, to come and perform regular housekeeping duties for me and hubby.

6. Faster metabolism. Working out three to four days a week just ain’t cutting it anymore. The results are dwindling, and I am having to work out harder and longer just to maintain my current physique. Honestly, isn’t it already bad enough that I already have to cope with wrinkles and deteriorating vision? Please, just throw me one bone.

7. Eternal fashion sense. I like to think I have a healthy sense of style, but while picking up lunch the other day, I saw a 50 year old lady wearing Ugg boots with furry trim on the top, paired off with jean skirt. Now, that may have been an ultra cute ensemble on someone 20 years her junior, but unfortunately, that was not the case. Santa, please let me retain my sense of age appropriate style so that I am not the laughing stock of others.

8. An upgrade on my engagement ring, since you can NEVER go too big with that.

9. A new house, either in San Francisco or Burlingame. I am not asking for a palace, but a cozy, comfortable 3 bedroom 2 bathroom, two story home with a moderately sized backyard for my future kitty or doggie. I won’t go into details about the décor, etc, since you’ve already seen my condo, plus I trust Mrs. Clause’s taste.

10. Something good for humanity, like the end to poverty, world starvation, etc. I’ll let you decide, but I as long as it does society some good, I will be an advocate for the cause.

Okay, that’s it for this year. I know it’s a tall order to fill, but I have confidence in your abilities Santa. I hope you get plenty of rest before your big day. Give Mrs. Claus my love.

Weekend Recap

2005-12-12T13:43:00.000-08:00

Friday

Hubby was watching the Warrior’s game with some friends, so I made dinner plans with my friend L. Dropped by Bev Mo to purchase a nice bottle of wine to bring to L’s place for dinner. Picked up a David Bruce Pinot Noir for the dinner, and then decided to purchase 3 more bottles to re-stock our wine rack. L prepared beef lasagna with a side of green beans for dinner. After dinner (and too many glasses of wine), we watched Friday Night Lights. Fell into a food and alcohol coma halfway through movie.

Saturday

Spent the entire afternoon running small errands with the hubby. Went to Lola’s (that means grandma in Tagalog), 82nd birthday party. Lola appeared very cheerful and lucid, despite her recent diagnosis of dementia. Seeing Lola served as a sober reminder that I need to spend more time with my aging parents while they were still in fairly good health.

Sunday

Spent the entire afternoon preparing paella and a carrot walnut cake for a white elephant gift exchange. We decided to purchase a 10-piece fondue set from Crate and Barrel this year for the occasion. We had about 13 people at this years Christmas party, the smallest attendance we’ve had since our group started the gift exchange in 1999. Many of the gag gifts we gave each other from years past made a reappearance. Fortunately hubby and I lucked out this year and actually left the party with something useful. The paella turned out to be a huge success.

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In addition to being a reality/cheese TV addict, I am also a pop culture junkie. I am fascinated with everything about the rich and famous, from the clothes they wear, to where they hang, where they eat, how they live, and where they vacation. I buy US and People regularly to feed my pop culture addiction.

Another girl who is as addicted to pop culture as myself is my girlfriend Linh, whom I saw this past Sunday at the gift exchange. We spent most of the time talking about the latest and biggest celebrity breakup, Jessica and Nick. She too, has been fascinated by the dissolution of their marriage and has been religiously following any and all news about their breakup.

Newlyweds first started airing right about the time hubby and I got married, and we watched the show regularly. (okay, that was kind of embarrassing to admit). In addition to being able to empathize with their newlywed status, I truly enjoyed watching their adventures as a newly married couple. To me, their relationship had all of the ingredients for success. Aside from being young, famous, wealthy and breathtakingly good looking, they both appeared to be grounded individuals, and seemed so sincere and genuine with their love.

Unlike other Hollywood breakups, I was particularly saddened by this one. I was really rooting for this Hollywood couple to make it last.

Then and Now

2005-12-08T09:31:00.000-08:00

As I unpacked my files and personal items in my new office, I decided to hang up the 2006 calendar I purchased in Greece. Just looking at the calendar evoked major vacation nostalgia. To be back in 80 something degree weather (or anything above 50 degrees would be nice at this point), eating mousakka, sipping ouzo, that was the life.

My god, it's almost two thousand freakin’ six. Where did the time go? It seems like only yesterday when I was 21. I still remember life a decade ago when I was an open hearted, wide eyed, naïve girl right out of college. I had a job that barely covered rent. I was working like a dog. I lived in a dingy apartment in the heart of downtown San Jose, paying way too much for my dumpy pad because my foray into the working world happened to coincide with the beginning of the tech boom. I can only covet clothes I see in InStyle and Vogue, and can hardly afford the clothes at Gap.

Ten years ago I was filled with hope. I had dreamed of this period in my life since I was little girl, frustrated with all of the rules imposed by her strict Chinese mother and wanting a life that was all mine. I was now an independent adult, making my own mark in life, ready to take on the world.

Ten years later, I am little older and much wiser. In these 10 years I have become more cautious with whom I let into my life and heart. I have developed a healthy amount of cynicism towards life in general. On the positive side, my job pays better, my threads are nicer, and I actually own the box I live in.

My thirty-second birthday is quickly approaching (gasp, next month!). Geez, that isn’t that far off, is it? Pulling a picture I have hung up with my husband from 10 years past, I notice that on the outside, I haven’t really changed. But inside, I am no longer recognizable. What happened to the eagerness I use to feel when I woke up in the morning? The feeling that something exciting and great was just waiting for me around the corner.

Where did that energy go?

Work Satisfaction Vs. Work Passion

2005-12-06T21:07:00.000-08:00

I had an interview last Friday with a biotech company in the Peninsula. The position seemed to have everything that I was looking for. The CFO was extremely friendly, the job seemed to involve the right mix of accounting and operations, the position provided the visibility I desired, and I would be receiving a salary bump of $45K. The interview was looking promising until we entered the topic of the financial performance of the company. The CFO, maintaining a sanguine attitude, informed me that the company had 4 viable drugs in the pipeline, with only 1 in phase two clinical trials (which from what I could discern, was an intermediate step before mass testing in humans). When I inquired about how the company derived its revenues, the CFO said brightly that the company really didn’t have a steady revenue stream yet since it was still in the process of developing a mature product. The CFO, in a feeble attempt to put a shiny veneer to the situation, confidently assured me that revenue was not a metric that was scrutinized closely by the analysts and that when the company ran low on cash, it would simply raise more financing. According to the CFO, “revenue is not important here.”

Unfortunately, the company’s revenues are important to me. The attitude and environment of this company was too familiar to the start-up tech companies I worked with in my accounting days. Despite my misgivings, my friends all thought that this was a great opportunity. Yet, I couldn’t shake that “feeling” that something was not right. After a night of pondering, I decided to go with my gut.

Imagine my relief when I opened up the newspaper this morning to see that same biotech company in the business section of the paper, with the following headline,

“XXX stock drops by 63% today upon news that its most advance drug failed to show increased effectiveness among the sample patients tested....”

*******************************************************

I am not miserable with my job. There are many positives here that make it great place to work – good work/life balance, friendly people, possibility for upward mobility, and a decent salary. Yet everyday, I can’t help but feel “blah” when I walk into my office. There is just something that is missing. A void, if you will, that nags at me. However, when I juxtapose this to my previous job, where I pulled long, stressful hours, worked in an very demanding environment, for meager wages, it only makes my current position look even better.

In fact, while cleaning away old files this weekend, I found this list of requirements that I wanted in my new place of employment that I crafted while I was at my former job:

1. Work/Life balance
2. Decent salary
3. Possibility for upward mobility
4. Pleasant work environment

I came to a sudden epiphany upon seeing this list. While I am satisfied with my employment, I am not passionate about it. I perform my responsibilities perfunctorily, as needed. And I believe that I have performed well in my profession. But I don’t love it. And to be honest with you, I don’t know if I ever will.

The weekend recap

2005-12-04T23:04:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend I

• Wanted to take advantage of the Friends and Family discount card and went shopping at BR, Gap, and Old Navy. Purchased the following items for me – a tweed skirt, a light green waist-tie cardigan, a beige waist-tie cardigan, a cream neck-tie top, a grey sweater, a dark brown button down shirt, a white button down shirt, two long sleeved tees, and two wool hats. Purchased the following items for hubby – a jacket, 4 stylish button down shirts, 2 merino v-neck sweaters, 2 pairs of pants. Spent over to $400 bucks on new threads.
• Made three new pairs of earrings and a 3 tier layered necklace.
• Watched our latest Netflix arrivals – the last two episodes of Alias(the 4th season) and Be Cool.
• Finally used the pork chop recipe I found at Whole Foods.

Yes, this is what one has to look forward to in marriagehood…..

********************************************************************

My high school had its 10 year reunion a couple of years ago. I remember receiving the evite and promptly deleting it from my inbox. My reaction was marked by a lack of enthusiasm. “Ha, why in hell would I want to see these people?”

For some, high school was the highlight of their lives. I refer to these people as High School Celebrities (or HSC for short). HSC’s have a common thread to them – they’re active in some highly visibly activity, such as the cheerleading squad, the football, basketball, or track team, or student government. They’re the winterball/prom kings and queens. They hang out in cliques and are usually fashionable and well-dressed. They always look like they are having the time of their lives.

I was not a HSC. I was not a cheerleader. I was not part of an elite social circle. I was just “there”. In my head, I could already imagine how the reunion would play out. All of the popular kids would huddle in their exclusive circles, reminiscing about great high school memories. I would be relegated to some corner, looking aimlessly for familiar faces. I really had no desire to go back and relive those memories of my plain and ordinary high school existence.

While on our shopping spree, I ran into a couple of people from my distant past. The first was a guy named Sherman, who attended the same middle and high school as me. When we were in middle school, Sherman was known as a little bit of a geek. As a result, he was teased and tormented relentlessly. But the Sherman that stood before me that day was far from the one that I remember from years past. He no longer lacked confidence and lost much of his awkwardness. He looked content and informed my hubby that he was engaged. The second was a guy named Dave, who I went to high school with. He too, found the love of his life and informed us that he’s expecting his first baby next May.

These encounters loosely reminded me of the movie Garden State. Running into these people from my past, realizing that they are still the same, but at the same time, not really the same. Seeing how their lives have developed made me reflect on how much I’ve changed as well. I used to easily succumb to peer pressure and desperately yearned for acceptance. I longed to measure up to my peers and feared that I didn’t. Seeing these remnants of my past sparked a revelation. Maybe I didn’t want to attend my high school reunion because I didn’t want to be reminded of what I was.

I may not be the most successful person in my graduating class, or the prettiest, or the thinnest, or the funniest, but I am comfortable in my own skin and proud of what I’ve become. Most importantly, I am happy to be me.

And maybe, just maybe, I’ll attend our 25th high school reunion.

Everyone and their mothers....

2005-12-02T13:47:00.000-08:00

was at Banana Republic today utilizing the Friends and Family Discount Card. I almost got into it with another lady who was grabbing for the last Size 4 brown speckled tweed skirt. Of course, she was insistent that she saw it first. Too bad for her, my swift little hands were able to swoop it up first. Who would have thought shopping could turn into such a harrowing and violent experience!

Anyhow, for you shopoholics out there, eBay is hosting a huge sample sale on designer clothes, shoes, and handbags. Most items or new, or if they aren’t, the items were worn previously by some big celebrity (yes, you can actually buy a Dolce & Gabbana dress worn by JLo!). I just purchased the cutest black velvet ballet style flats for a bargain price of $23 even though it usually retails for $125. There are bargains to be had here.

www.ebay.com/7thonSale

The End of Romance

2005-12-01T10:38:00.000-08:00

Over lunch yesterday, a girlfriend of mine confesses a relationship fumble she made on her most recent outing with her new boy. Apparently, they were on the couch watching television, when she accidentally expelled some intestinal gas.

“Oh my god City Girl. It actually made a sound. And the scent just wafted in the air.”

In a new relationship, most women I know want to maintain an image of perfection for as long as they can. Most women live with the fear that, once your significant other sees your shortcomings, they will go running out the door. Therefore, you strive for flawlessness. You don’t sweat, fart, burp, or stink up the bathroom. Your hair and makeup is constantly flawless. You want your man to think that you are PERFECT.

I am no different than most women. When I first started dating my husband, I would sit in front of the mirror for hours. Every strand of my hair needed to be curled perfectly. My outfits had to be stylish and flattering. (And in the later stages of our relationship, I needed to have the perfect pair of cute undies ;) ). I wanted my hubby to think that I WOKE UP looking fabulous.

I once read in an article that a couple cannot have a real relationship until romance ends. That under the shiny gloss of romance, you cannot see the other person for who they really are.

I still remember when we reached a tipping point in our relationship. This is when I began to allow myself to reveal all those little dirty habits I had been hiding from my hubby. That there were times when I wouldn’t shave my legs for weeks. That sometimes, I would allow my dirty laundry to accumulate until it took over my closet. That my hair was naturally kinky and frizzy and that the gorgeous curls and locks of hair was a result of hours of primping in front of a mirror.

True intimacy begins when you are willing to engage in behavior that is so private, you keep it hidden from most of your closest friends. For me, that was doing the “number 2” at his house. For the longest time, I would just will down my bodily urges. God forbid he should know that I could expel something as vile as excrement. But as time went on, and we spent more time together, my practice of holding it in became increasingly difficult to do. And one sunny afternoon, I just couldn’t take the feeling of being constipated anymore. I permitted myself to do the deed in his bathroom. It was such a liberating feeling, both physically and emotionally.

And this is how I ended our romance.

Reality Check

2005-12-01T10:35:00.000-08:00

In the midst of complaining about my bridesmaid's wedding, I almost forgot to write about an interesting observation I noticed during her wedding....

I have been married for about 2.5 years, without any kids in tow. It’s not that I don’t want children, someday. I realize the time and dedication required to raise a child. A good parent puts their child’s need above theirs and is willing make huge sacrifices for their child’s happiness. A good parent can’t just leave their child in front of the television while they take a quick trip to the gym or to the mall. Therefore, I am not a parent. As horribly selfish as this may sound, I can’t quite give up my dirty martinis just yet.

Most of my friends are no further along the parenthood road than us. I have a handful of friends who are newly married, and like us, with no kids and no immediate plans for them. But the majority of the people I associate with are far from marriage, and even further from parenthood. Therefore, naturally I assumed most late twenty and early thirty somethings must be just like me and was sans child. I found extreme comfort in the fact that my childless state seemed to conform to what appeared to be a normal condition for people of my age group. This was the reality I choose to live with.

This reality was shaken during my bridesmaid’s wedding. Immediately upon walking into the hall where the ceremony was being held, hubby and I noticed that that the loud shrilling of kids and babies filled the room. It seemed that 99.9% of the married folks around our age had, on average, 1.5 kids. The conversations we had generally involved scintillating topics such as real estate, various child rearing techniques, and school districts. We talked as kids ran about wildly, grabbing for anything and everything, clamoring loudly for the attention of their parents. I was tired from just watching them.

I am not ready for this reality yet.

Office Hussy

2005-11-22T18:04:00.000-08:00

I can always tell when I am inappropriately dressed in the eyes of my fellow co-workers. My outfit for today, for example, was not received well by some of my female coworkers, who raised their eyebrows as I walked by.

I wore a modest black skirt and a striped semi-sheer white button down over a v-neck camisole. I finished the ensemble off with a pair of pointy-toed, 3 inch pumps fromKenneth Cole. Let me digress for a bit. I have a shoe fetish. The writers of Sex and the City like to think they started the national obsession with footwear. That seeing Carrie Bradshaw's obsession with haute couture footware caused women across the country to develop the same penchant for towering shoes. And I am sure, for some, that's when the lover affair for tall, strappy footware began.

Some women love handbags. Others love jewelry. I love shoes. My philosopy for shoes is the higher the better. Most of my work shoes are on average 2.5 to 3 inches high. But let's be honest -- any time you go over three inches, it hurts. You can rationalize it all you want, but they're not comfortable. A former gay co-worker (who also likes to dress in drag occasionally) once told me said, "pretty hurts, honey." Sure, tennis shoes feel great on your feet and you could walk the miles in them. But would you feel sexy strutting down the street in them? I think not.

Anyway, I must have underestimated the coverage provided by the camisole, as everyone in my office seemed to be staring at my boobies. My fashion sense told me to wear the camisole underneath the sheer shirt with the first button left open. When I looked in the mirror my cleavage area didn’t look out of control. As in, I didn't see the twins popping out. But the disapproving stares of the women at work tell me otherwise.

I am not “stacked” and can only boast a full B cup, at best. But my camisole seemed to give the illusion that my rack was much bigger than it actually is. Needless to say, I was feeling a little self conscious.

By midday, I was able to shake their judgment from my mind, deciding that I was overreacting because of my own self consciousness when, while at lunch, an elder gentleman almost ran into a door frame as he tried to turn into a deli while not-so-discreetly checking out my rack.

Maybe I shouldn't wear this outfit anymore.

Great Jams

2005-11-21T09:23:00.000-08:00

I couldn’t fall asleep last night. The memories of what had happened that night ruminated in my mind. The obvious brush off. The wasted efforts. With the wounds still fresh, I just couldn’t get it out of my mind.

I find listening to music in the morning a great way to wake up and this morning purposely tuned into 92.7 to get a badly needed boost. I love it when 92.7 plays one of their 80’s/90’s high energy mixes, and fortunately for me they happened to start on one of those jams half way through my commute. By the time I pulled into the parking lot, I was shaking my booty and singing the words to Bizarre Love Triangle. It’s amazing what effect music has to one’s mood. Now if I can only get some sleep tonight.

Mistreated

2005-11-20T23:34:00.000-08:00

The day started off with hubby and me attending the wedding ceremony at Kohl’s Mansion in Burlingame. The ceremony was beautiful (and short, the way I like it). Hubby and I were outside waiting to congratulate the bride. When she was finally done taking pictures and able to mingle with the guest, I had the best intentions in mind. I wanted to show her support. I wanted to tell her how happy I was for her. I wanted to tell her she looked beautiful. I had so much to say, all of which was kind. When she and her new husband finally made her way to us, she gives us a hug, which felt more obligatory than heartfelt (and lasted for about 5 seconds), and then pulled her husband away from us so that they could talk it up with another couple for 5 minutes. My husband, being as sweet as he was, said that I shouldn’t read too much into it because it was their wedding day and that we shouldn’t expect to be doted on.

The dinner reception was later on in the evening. Hubby and I were on “Asian Time” and arrived after everyone was seated. When we got to our table, we noticed that we were relegated to sitting with the two DJ’s, and some random people that the bride had worked with at her previous job. Luckily, no one at the table drank and we were able to make the night somewhat interesting by finishing off a bottle of wine. Around nine thirty, we decided to call it a night and got in line to say good bye to the bride and groom who was taking pictures with the departing guests. We wound up taking a group shoot with 3 other couples from high school. When pictures were done, the bride decided to chat with the 3 other couples for 5 minutes, and then turned to me and gave me a 5 second hug and said “Thanks for coming”, and turned away.

I’ve officially had it. I need to listen to my gut feelings. Just because you have a history with someone, doesn’t mean you need to keep on repeating it.

Oh joy, tomorrow is the day

2005-11-19T22:10:00.000-08:00

Of my “beloved” bridesmaid’s wedding (the Witch). Tonight over dinner, my hubby informed me that the Witch had made some extremely rude comments to his little sister the day of my wedding, but that these comments had slipped her mind until a recent conversation where hubby told her about the Witch’s wedding. Was I annoyed? No, because nothing could top the fits of bitchiness she threw during my rehearsal dinner and during the wedding meetings we had.

I also recently discovered the Witch has invited some of our high school classmates to the wedding, one of whom is an even bigger witch than my bridesmaid. Just great.

Weddings are suppose to be a happy event. Yet the only thing I’ll feel is pity. Pity for the poor fool who has decided to mate with the Witch for the rest of his life. And he’s such a nice guy too.

Maybe I’ll get lucky tomorrow and develop some debilitating illness, like stomach flu, that will render me bed ridden.

What I've been up to

2005-11-18T12:44:00.000-08:00

Wednesday Night

Went to a Warrior’s game with hubby. Despite my exhaustion, I had a good time. My energy level rallied towards the fourth quarter when the Warriors were gaining some momentum and actually looked like they had a chance to win. We spent $40 bucks on some shitty cheeseburgers, a cup of beer, and a mediocre glass of wine, but then again, you don’t go to a basketball game for the food.

Thursday Night

Karen and I meet up at Chaya for some drinks and sushi. Karen is one of those girls who really gets me – she’s perceptive, smart, and sassy. I especially like the sassy part, because she brings out the smart ass in me, which always makes for a hilarious get together. She had some interesting online dating stories to regale me with over dinner.

After Chaya, we went to Americano (meat market) for another round of drinks. We were sitting around outside in the patio area when a group of Asian guys befriended us. One of the guys swears he was married even though the absence of a wedding band was glaring. He tells us he took it off “temporarily to help his boys out”. A friend of his was carrying a little white toy dog with him and states that he can bring the dog to work because “he runs the whole joint”. After 10 minutes we were finally able to shake them, thank god.

Tonight

We’re going to a “Big 4” firm party, courtesy of a friend who works in their marketing department. Those parties are always the best because of the free booze, plus it’s funny to watch a group of freshly minted college graduates strutting around like they’re invincible. Reminds me of the days when I was young and excited for what the future may hold…..

Lately I’ve been feeling funky, like I’ve hit a rut in my life. I get in these funks every so often, where I feel that life has just gotten a little stale. I hope this feeling will pass soon…….

Just when you think you know someone

2005-11-17T13:42:00.000-08:00

There are some relationships that require a great deal of time spent before any real intimacies are shared. And then there are some relationships where, despite the length of the friendship, or how close you think you may be to a person, certain elements of that person’s life will remain unknown or hidden.

I just received an e-mail today from a girlfriend of mine (Lindsay), informing our social circle that the mother of a mutual friend (Staci) of ours just died. Even though this came as a total shock to me, I did noticed that Staci had been extremely edgy the last couple of months. The last time we meet up for drinks, she was irritable and unpleasant to be around.

Apparently the mother was diagnosed with stomach cancer a year ago. Staci kept that fact a secret to most people in the group. And to think the last time we parted ways, I was slightly irritated with her behavior. Little did I know she was carrying so much baggage inside………I feel like such a bad friend.

Recap

2005-11-15T15:25:00.000-08:00

This Saturday hubby and I got together with a group of friends to celebrate his 31st birthday. For the longest time we’ve been dying to try Crossing the Bar and finally found an occasion to eat there. What a disappointment! The night started off bad and just deteriorated from that point on. We should have taken the cue when the drunken bartender had to ask for my drink order 3 times. However, when our group of 10 was promptly seated, I thought that perhaps my initial gut reaction was wrong…that was, until our waiter came up to us and asked if we needed a menu (like duh, do you think we have your menu memorized?). After sitting around for an hour after placing our orders, the group started to get restless. I was so hungry, I think my stomach started to eat itself. An extremely irritated girlfriend of mine demanded to speak to the restaurant manager, who seemed pretty unconcerned with our complaints. When dinner was finally served, which was an hour and forty-five minutes after placing our orders, most of us were pretty disappointed in the quality of our meals. To top the night off, unbeknownst to us, the restaurant turns into a club after a certain time. We discovered this fact, when, in the middle of dinner, the overhead lights were suddenly dimmed and the strobe lights came on.

In short, two thumbs down.

During lunch today a co-worker informed me that H&M is slated to open this weekend. I am so excited! I’ve been eagerly awaiting the grand opening for sometime now. I have such fond memories of shopping at H&M in NYC, and it’s one of those great places where you can buy cute little skimpy tops for a night on the town without paying an arm and a leg. Plus, the stores popularity has also attracted top designers such as Karl Lagerfield of Chanel and Stella McCartney to design special collections just for the store. I can’t wait!!!

I'm back

2005-11-11T23:38:00.000-08:00

It’s been eons since I’ve last logged on to write a post. I would like to say that I was away at some exotic vacation, but unfortunately, work has been plaguing me with its short-fused deadlines and stream of documents that need attention. However, one of my cases has been delayed indefinitely, giving me some greatly appreciated breathing room.

A couple of nights ago, after a long exhausting day from work, I crashed on my very comfy couch and did some television surfing. To my delight, Sliding Doors was on the American Movie Channel. Sliding Doors is on the list of movies that I can watch over and over, preferably on Sunday afternoons, nestled in a warm blanket. In the film, Gwyneth Paltrow’s character is fired from her job, leaves the office and heads home. When the “sliding doors” of the subway car closes on her, the film begins to explore what would have happened if she’d made the train, and what would have happened if she hadn’t. I won’t give the plot away for those who have not seen it, but the film shows how this one event affects every aspect of her life. It was interesting to see how much her character differed greatly in the two separate destinies, from her hairstyle, to her demeanor to her attitude. She seemed to have changed and evolved differently as a direct result from the sliding doors that caused her to miss or catch the train.

I loved this movie because it is one of the movies that effectively illustrated the idea of fate. I read somewhere “our choices are the hinges of our destiny”. I believe in fate and destiny that’s why I try not to get so bent out of shape when I am faced with adversity. I believe that everything happens for a reason and each reason has a purpose in my life.

I think every event and relationship in my past has shaped and molded me into the woman I am today and I wouldn’t change anything about them. Sometimes, when I feel a little lost, I know that whatever road I take is the one that was meant for me. It is so easy to play the “what if” game, but since I can’t go back and change the past I try not to dwell on the “what if’s” too long (although I cannot say that I always display that kind of discipline).

Is there a relationship in your past that fundamentally changed who you were, and possibly the course of your life?

Have you ever felt as if you reached a crossroad in your life where the choices you make could completely place your life on a different path?